I'm 30 years old, and since I was 12, I've been addicted to pornography. From the age of 18, my addiction deepened to the point where I could spend up to 8 hours a day watching porn, it's true. On average, I spent 3-4 hours each day watching pornography and practiced something called 'edging' throughout these sessions. I spent from age 18 to 30, EVERY DAY, like this. For the past 6 years, my mental and physical health has been deteriorating more and more. Currently, I'm dealing with symptoms such as constant severe fatigue, depressive episodes, anxiety disorders, lack of motivation for anything sometimes I don't even feel like taking a shower. I'm constantly tired, I don't feel masculine at all, I feel like a scared child, lacking courage for anything, experiencing symptoms of social phobia, and digestive issues such as heartburn, my stomach feels strange, sometimes diarrhea, nausea. The doctor concluded that my constant fatigue is inexplicable. He ordered a sleep study, thyroid hormone tests, hormonal tests such as testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, vitamin B12, vitamin D3, iron, heart, liver, kidney, pancreas tests, and many other blood tests, such as HIV, various infectious diseases. I'm healthy, yet I feel like a wreck of a human being. I know that the extent of my addiction is strange. I don't know if you can imagine it, but truly, over all these years, I haven't had a break longer than two days from watching pornography, and each session lasted a minimum of 2-3 hours, always with edging the whole session. Once I checked my internet browser history, and within 3 months, I watched almost 5000 pornographic videos, which averages out to 50 videos per day. It terrified me. My sessions were like this: every few seconds or minutes, I would switch from one film to another, searching for a scene or actress that would be sufficiently stimulating, all the while engaging in edging. I am a wreck of a human being, both physically and mentally. I've tried antidepressant medications, but either they didn't work or exacerbated my symptoms. Is it possible that this addiction caused these symptoms in me? Depression? Social phobia? Anxiety disorders? Constant fatigue? gut problems? Because all my test results are good, some people think I'm lying.
First of all, welcome to this forum. My heart goes out to you and I believe, you have come to the right place. Yes, I think so, particularly with the extend of your addiction. I always wonder how people even find the time to spend that much of the day with PMO. I am pretty new here as well and you don't need me to tell you that this addiction is a huge problem for a lot of guys out there. But you already know that, otherwise you wouldn't be here. The solution is simple; give up PMO completely. It is challenging but it can be done, there's lots of people here who can testify to that (including me). To me it seems like you don't know what it's like to live without PMO even for a shorter amount of time, so you should really give it a shot and see whether most of your physical and mental problems can be solved by PMO alone.
It's not only possible, I can guarantee that PMO causes all your symptoms. You are a hard core addict! Many of us, including me can relate to the ridiculous amount of time we spend feeding our addiction. I too was experiencing many of the same illnesses that you are feeling. Think of it this way, how would your health be if you were addicted to something other than porn, like drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or over eating? You get the point that all addictions lead to health problems, both mental and physical issues. The cure is to stop looking at porn. The best way to do that is replace the time you spend looking at porn with other positive activities. Go out in the real world and start living. Good luck!
@Rebu Ohhhhhhhhh... Totally sucks recognizing that what we thought was a harmless, enjoyable, hobby is actually an addiction. Recognition is your fist step. It is always a bad day when you have the thought: "I am addicted to porn." Bad day that, but with that thought, and only with that thought, can you begin to fix it. First thing is study the problem. Here is your homework. If you can make it all the way through the video without taking a peek at P, you are a better man than I am. The great porn experiment | Gary Wilson | TEDxGlasgow (youtube.com)
100% symptoms of PMO addiction. I too had them. But as per ur testimony, ur addiction was much much intense than mine. And sorry to say this but I will have to warn you, the recovery will be a trial by fire. Expect intense to very intense withdrawal symptoms when u quit PMO. Just start the journey ASAP. No pills or SSRIs or multivitamins will help except complete abstinence. 18 to 24 months of strict abstinence (not even sex) will show noticeable changes. ATB
Thank you for all your replies, I will do everything to overcome this addiction, I know it will be very difficult. I appreciate all your advice, thank you very much for that. Today is my first day without PMO and I feel like I lost something important in my life - I know it sounds weird.
"I feel like I lost something important in my life - I know it sounds weird." No it doesn't. By the time you have become addicted to the dopamine high you get from porn consumption, porn is VERY important to you. It is a daily high--you may not think of it as that, but that it what it is. It is something you use every day. It's free, you come to rely on it; it becomes part of your lifestyle. It's the friend that never says no. Get ready for a bad trip because that "friend" is going to start talking to you. It will threaten you, lie to you, whisper to you, tell you jokes, laugh with you, scream at you, reason with you, and do just about anything it can to talk you out of quitting. Just remember, it is not your friend, and it lies. Good luck. You can do it because many of us have. Don't ever doubt that quitting porn can be done. But like @jay3241 said, your brain is getting ready to punish you for taking away its daily high. That is more information than was available to me when I first began quitting, so you are ahead of the game. Much love. WillIAM
There’s nothing weird about. You’ve spent half your life developing a coping mechanism that’s coupled with this seemingly insurmountable high. You may not be able to replace that “high,” but what we can do is develop healthier coping mechanisms. You were/are deep in it- and this addiction takes many, many different forms- but in the end we all just need to claw our way out of it. I’ve spent over four decades battling this shit, and I’ve lost a lot because of it. You are recognising it early. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you in which to make each day better than the last. And today you chose to do that. Good luck. Stay strong.
You’ve made a great first step coming here. Whenever your addiction leads you to start watching P, come to this forum and avail yourself of all the resources here to begin recovery. We’re all here to support you.
Are you able to afford to see a mental health professional? Are there support groups in your area or online? I'm almost 33. Started PMO around 11-12 years old. Eventually hit rock bottom at the age of 28. Found a therapist who specializes in addiction who I would see once per month, and I started attending 12-step meetings every day. Became friends with people who are on the same journey. They gave me books to read, podcasts to listen to, and a set of disciplines to practice every day. Called my sponsor, who is now one of my best friends, every day to check in. I've had a few slips and falls over the years, but I've never looked back. As strange as it sounds, addiction is the best thing that ever happened to me. It introduced me to a new way of living that I never could have imagined, a life in which I am clean, sober, free. I will always have hope because I will always have resources, friends, mentors, and community. My choices, little by little, are a function of my values, not my impulses. If you have an addiction problem that is becoming an existential threat, and you want to be free, then you will have to accept that your priorities will be reordered going forward. It is a mental, physical, and spiritual makeover. All hands on deck, learn all the science, make time/space for meditation, tap into health consciousness, fitness; the works. Accept responsibility, learn where you went wrong, create a vision of your future, and put it in your schedule. But you gotta want it. You gotta have the desire. Not just sick and tired, but I mean sick and tired of being sick and tired. The closer you experience a paradigm shift, the better. May you find it now. And always remember, you're a king.
Absolutely, 100%, without question these symptoms are being caused by your addiction. Get Covenant Eyes on your devices and find an accountability partner or two ASAP. The filter won't solve the problem for you, but at least it will help stop the bleeding in the short term. With the severity of your addiction, there's almost no hope for recovery if you aren't doing something to create some distance between you and online porn. Your test results will be good because it's your brain chemistry that's jacked up--not your blood. Everything you want in life--every good, wonderful, meaningful thing--exists on the other side of this addiction. You have to start working smart to overcome it.
Thank you very much for all your posts. I think it's high time I got myself together and started living normally. It's my second day of freedom from pornography, and I won't hide that it's tough, but I'm very motivated, mainly because my life is practically ruined, and the only way I could start building towards a relatively normal life is by quitting this addiction that drains my physical and mental strength. I have absolutely no energy, motivation, or desire for anything; I feel like a zombie.
Your addicted brain is going to play some tricks on you. You feel numb, unmotivated, and dead inside ... so your brain goes, "you know what would make you feel alive again for just a little while? A good long PMO session!" But that's a lie from the pit of hell. PMO is causing your depression and apathy--it's not a solution for it. What prevents you from installing a filter and finding someone to be accountable to? Is there anyone in your life who you'd feel comfortable sharing this struggle with?
Very few people will understand you, I understand you, you are not alone, this forum is full of porn addicts who had their lives ruined by porn, lost their jobs, got fucked up mentally and physically, but still they will not understand you, I don't claim to have data about people here, but I have read hundreds of threads and messages, most addicts here watch porn for 2-3-4 hours maximum a day, the worst one can go for 5 hours, people like me and you, who might go and 8 hours a day are rare( we are not special lol we are just worse in our addiction), yes we exist and we escalated so bad that we can watch porn for 10 hours a day, to be honest, I was able to go on 30 days once, 60 days free twice, so I will say quitting is possible, you can escape, learn more about the addiction, stay away from what triggers you, take small steps, try to quit for 5 days, give it your best
Do you have a job? Unemployment with porn addiction is extremely bad for mental health. From experience
I was an extreme addict as some here have described themselves. Thirty years plus of addiction. Non-stop PMO for several days binges. Yet, with the help of this forum, an accountability partner, and drastic changes in daily habits, I was able to overcome this insidious addiction. You can do this. It will take real commitment. We’re all here to help you but you have to make major changes in your life as others have suggested.
I'm currently unemployed and won't be returning to work for another 4 months. I'm dealing with some health issues and have just had surgery. I hope to recover quickly. I haven't watched pornography for three days now. However, sexual thoughts about my neighbor, colleague, imagining having sex with them keep creeping into my mind. Is that bad?
From my side-wishing that you get better! It is certainly hard to get rid of addiction. One way to get away from it and at the same time build some willpower and good habits could be gamification. Example of that can be this challenge: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/gamify-your-life.353763/ Regardless of approach start small and systematically move towards your goal!
