Have found lots of evidence on his computer after hes rejected me for months!was just wondering if you could give me all symptoms of porn addiction no matter how subtle as obviously ive brought it to his attention,hes hiding it even more
If he's up very late at night on a computer, or when you come in a room he closes the windows on the computer, or the lid. Doesn't have a lot of interest in sexual contact.
He didnt have any interest in sex for months but in the last month hes weirdly wanted sex loads...theres a password suddenly on his computer
Hmmm . . . . that doesn't fit the pattern that happened to me. But others may have similar experiences. Maybe he quit?
I wouldn't say this, but you asked for advice, so here goes. You may be shocked, but here goes: You should confront him and give him an ultimatum. He chooses you or the porn. This is both for his sake, and for yours. Giving this stuff is hard. Facing that choice will be a powerful motivation. And for your sake, you deserve a boyfriend who isn't cheating on you, which is what this is. If he doesn't end this now, when will it end? What will the future hold? If he were cheating in the usual sense, what would you do? I've known too many people, more often women to be honest, who stick with a man who treats them badly, and it doesn't get better. It may or may not get better, but it won't get better if you enable him. It may get better if he realizes he has to choose. You or the porn.
I'm not saying this is right or wrong, but let me say as a guy who's been married for 23 years, and all of it as a closeted porn addict, I've loved my wife every minute of the time I've been married. I'm also an alcoholic and I got help over that a couple of years ago and am now going to therapy over porn addiction. Some marriages can work on the principle of unconditional love and acceptance, and then some cannot survive that and need the kind of tough love that Septimus mentions. If you understand how Christianity works, it's the unconditional kind the "bears all things, endures all things, hopes for all things". . . . but only you know if that's what's called for. It seems like starting with an ultimatum as a first resort might be harsh. A lot of couple start with "I'm not happy with this at all, I want to help you quit, I'm there for you, but it's serious and it needs to change" . . . show support . . . then, IF THAT tanks, move on the tougher measures.
Well, I appreciate your reply. And I realize others may disagree with me. I figured my comment would be controversial. There's a difference, I think, between how a spouse might respond to a spouse hooked on porn, vs. a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. That difference is the vows. Had Gina asked for advice about a porn-addicted husband, my advice would have been along the lines of your own.
