Identifying triggers?

HZSoumynona · Mar 6, 2016

Anyone have advice about identifying triggers *before* it causes a relapse?

Mid-40's, sexualized at age 10 by a friend's older sister. P user 30+ years. Have been "fighting" PM for as long as I can remember.

I was also a daily drinker. For a few years daily drunk. Some time ago I gave up drinking entirely and became much happier for it. I'd "fought" that for years, too. Then one day I just stopped. No drama. I knew the triggers and was able to remove them. (Avoiding them never worked. Removing them is different.)

I was ready to do the same with PM. But I probably did my first reboot incorrectly.

I was already doing the most common advice. I already stay very busy. "Big" job, spend a lot of time with family, and have a hobby that I give all of my "spare" time to, and find real joy in. "Busy" for me is up before 7, asleep at 2, and doing something the whole time I'm not asleep.

So being already so occupied, I thought for me, rebooting would be about understanding and removing the triggers. I thought I had those figured out. Wife and I are very active sexually; obvious trigger is several days without. But as I read up here on Nofap and elsewhere I was forced to the conclusion that the real trigger wasn't the 2-5 days without release of O.

I married a self-described "introvert", low-touch, non-verbal. I'm 180 degrees the other way, extremely verbal, and I like to be touched (non sexually). This left me feeling isolated and lonely. So my trigger wasn't the lack of O, it was the fact that sex is the only thing between us that is relatively intimate, and the feeling of isolation and loneliness is what was triggering. (Thank you Nofap for being here to make that one so clear to me.) I put a lot of energy into establishing verbal and physical non-sexual connection with my wife.

Went 9 days without PM no problem.

Tonight out of nowhere, after a great date, with lots of good conversation, and no real stressors, we came home and I was filled with an all-consuming irresistable urge. Bam. Went to P like I was helpless (and hate that) and nearly M just ended up with an "edge". So now of course I'm feeling the opium like chaser effect.

Wondering what advice anyone might have on identifying the "sneaky" triggers . . .

JipJap · Mar 6, 2016

Thanks for being open about your struggle. Props to you for breaking with the drinking habit! I think recognizing triggers is important, but what enables you to resist urges has to be your internal motivation. For me motivation has proven to be key.
Why is it that you want to quit this addiction? What harm do you know it does to you from experience? Have you ever gone clean for a while? What were the changes you felt?

This video serves as a great motivation to me:

The objective evidence of porn being harmful to the brain circuits is what did it for me.

Another thing to keep in mind is that motivation is not fixed. For me it comes and goes. I find myself trying to find little excuses. Why it's alright to look up some pictures, look at that music video a little too long, fantasizing about women, etc. You need to tell yourself it's not okay to do that. It leads to PMO. You will not PMO. It's not an option. In a way that's relieving to me. It doesn't matter how hard the urges hit, how bad the triggers are, PMO is just not an option. That's how it works in my head, I hope it will work the same way for others.

To give some structure to your challenge, I recommend reading this guide, and applying the tips in it:
http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-top-tips-for-leaving-pmo-behind.35201/

Good luck, and keep strong!

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Identifying triggers?

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