63 Days clean and counting

JMJ​

Never thought I'd get this far but here is what happened.

First I must say I am Christian/Catholic but the following can apply to anyone.

So it was about last December in 2015, I met a girl at a church event. I thought she was very attractive an I was interested in getting to know her more. Of course, I had my down falls with PMO-ing at the time. I'd go 4 days then relapse here, 10 days then relapse there, sometime even 2 days then relapse. You could say I was in a rough spot. But around the middle of January 2016, I was able to get to know this girl I had just met a little more.

TL;DR starting point down below.

Let me also address the fact that is very true that getting a girlfriend, being in a relationship, or getting marriage won't make a person's PMO addiction magically disappear. Nor will it solve a person's problems. I believe any problems, addictions, and/or issues a person deals with brings it into the relationship when they enter into one. Now of course they can be worked out between the two persons, but they certainly don't magically disappear by virtue of a person being with someone romantically.

Not to mention I've single my whole life, never had a girlfriend, and I've had a lot of time maturing and accepting who I am as a person. I've reached a point in my life at 20 years of age were I can authentically enjoy life being single and the idea of being in a relationship simply doesn't worry me. I used to think being in a relationship was going to be the answer to all my problems, hence the deceptive lies of finding any true form of satisfaction when PMO-ing. Thankfully I found out for that to be far from true, that being in a relationship won't magically solve all your problems . If it happens it happens as far as meeting someone, and if it doesn't maybe not right now, nevertheless I had nothing to complain about.

That being said, now to relate this back to this girl I was attracted too. Then I ended up actually meeting this girl I was genuinely attracted too and after getting to know her more and more, it only reaffirmed my interested in her romantically. We seem to have great chemistry and it's looking like we are heading in the direction of seeing each other as more than friends but here is where the 63 days clean and counting came from. Because I was very attracted to her along with my intentions of treating her (and all women in general) with great respect and recognize her for who she is and not an object I can lust after, this to me felt like a true test of chivalry. Or in other words, how I can I best treat her like a true gentlemen would. As mentioned earlier, I believe problems aren't solved in entering relationship but rather they are normally carried into relationship; and so I knew immediately that if I am to pursue this girl as someone I want to be more than friends with, I certainly can't be messing around PMO-ing on the side when she isn't around, that to me is just as bad as cheating on her. And the more I got to know her and her family the more I was able to grasp the true dignity and beauty of who she is, who her family is, and what are some of her biggest dreams and greatest fears. Now I hope to move at a steady pace with her but what's making the most sense to me is being able to distinguish the difference between a purely lust driven objectifying women form of sexual arousal and a more innocent natural dignified form of romantic interest in another person who knows you just as much as you know them. A kind of affection that is both given and reciprocated. The kinds of thing you definitely can't get from a photo or video of a 'hot girl.' We can only go so far as to creep/stalk a women's body through a digital screen or from a distance and that's it. It certainly does take some amount of courage, a lot of courage if necessary, to really walk up to someone you might be interested and actually get to know them for who they are and not for how they look.

TL;DR? - Start here...

Now I'm no dating guru, nor is being relationship going to solve all of our problems/addictions/issues. What matters as far as living a PMO free life is being able to truly distinguish the difference between a purely lust driven objectifying women form of sexual arousal and a more innocent natural dignified form of romantic interest in another person who knows you just as much as you know them. A kind of affection that is both given and reciprocated equally. And this is same exact thing when it comes to women (or men) one may be interested in getting to know only as a friend. Interested as a friend, interested romantically, or none of the above, bottom line is that both men and women in all ages shapes and size are to be treated with respect and true dignity, the very things that are absent when PMO-ing. And so naturally when I came to this understanding, going 63 days clean couldn't have been easier. It wasn't a constant battle struggling to resist another relapse like it has always been for me in the past, but now it has been an exciting journey in understanding a more authentic way of experiencing and getting to know the beautiful people around me.

I think it is also worth mentioning that not only am I 20 years old but I'm a 3rd year in college and I'm currently taking some pretty difficult Upper Divisions course which can be very stressful. College in general I should say can be very stressful. And technically I am not relationship with her, I am still single and her an I are still friends, but given the progression of our friendship, our chemistry, and my ability to remain clean for 63 days before potentially entering into a relationship with her makes me believe that I am starting to see some of my brighter days again.

For those who read the whole thing thank you! For the whole community, keep up good work, it is all very well worth it. As more my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, pray for me and rest assure I will be praying for you too! All are welcomed to PM for any questions, comments, or concerns. Thanks!