The "superpowers" I feel after abstaining from PMO makes me regret my current life. Anyone feelthis?

PMO has severely affected my life and my past. i did so much less than i should have. i had zero confidence because of my pmo and after high school i just worked. i never went to college. I'm 28 and married to a girl who is over weight but beautiful face. She and I are currently traveling because she is a traveling nurse which makes $68 an hour and we move every 3 months so theres no need or way for me to work. So I'm a stay at home husband who cleans the house and cooks dinner. we are both very happy with this trade off. she loves to work and hates to cook. I should be ecstatic with this life but a part of me feels sad. when i met her and dated her i had zero confidence and some what settled for her because i could attract no one else. Plus she has a very awesome selfless personality which very much attracted me to her. I never knew that getting rid of pmo would transform me into an incredibly confident, social, enjoyable person to be around.

I feel some what cheated in life.. becuase if i had conquered pmo back in highschool, i definitely would have gone to college cause i would have had the confidence and drive to. I would have made many more friends and dated women who are more gorgeous than anyone ive been with. i know this because i can very clearly see the difference in my personality when i pmo and when i abstain. My very character changes completely. i change from a shy awkward introvert who's self conscious and has very little common sense. i fear anyone coming up to talk to me because i know i will say something stupid. i never know what to say and communication in general is much more difficult. When im trying to focus on what some ones saying i cant focus and i cant think of what to say next. all i can think about is how crappy i feel and how much brain fog i have cause i pmo'd.

that was who i always was until i discovered NoFap. Now, (though i still relapse from time to time. In fact i just did today after going 20 days enjoying incredible confidence.. sigh) when i resist pmo i turn into a whole different person i never knew. this person i feel can do anything and attract anyone and have a much more exciting fulfilling life because the fear, shyness, awkwardness, and self contiousness is completely GONE.

Its just a part of me is sad with the timing of it all. because here i descover a new exciting me and im almost 30 years old. I never went to college, i have nothing to offer anyone, im way behind in this game called life, and I'm married to a woman who I'm sad to say i settled for because i didnt know that theres a better me inside...

I dont know what to do. When i abstain and feel so damn confident i begin to day dream being single because i know i can date beautiful girls now.. I know i sound like a total dick. its so wrong of me to fantasise about women other than my wife but i just feel so short changed in life because of how much PMO held me back.. Dont get me wrong i love my wife. she loved me and wanted to marry me despite my being a total basketcase and totally awkward and pathetic and shy. Its just now i feel life is so unfair because i have descovered this incredible new side of me that wants so much more out of life and wants to experience the women i always dreamed of dating..

But see now here i am almost 30 and if i was to divorce and go back on the market, despite having a great confident personality the facts remain that i'm a 30 year old dude that never went to college, would have some un impressive job, nothing saved away and really just nothing to offer a woman.. So really at this stage in life trying to date women my age around 30 they likely wouldnt give me a second glance as soon as they know how little I've done with my life..

You know.. a part of me is considering continuing to PMO just so i dont feel this confidence which leads me to wanting to leave my wife. i just see couples all over. guys with such gorgeous perfect women and i just feel jelous and i feel i could be with some one like that without pmo in my life.

I dont know i feel like a real jerk even writing this and revealing these F'ed up thoughts of mine. I guess i was just thinking out loud. But i guess my main question is has any one else out there felt like pmo ruined your life and now that u descovered a new you, it feels too late and life passed you by? If so how did you deal with it? Thank you for reading and I'd really appreciate any responces.