This dude on Reddit may have found the answer...

The post is amazing. Everyone should check it out.

 

That's exactly what I did. I'm really glad someone said it way better than I would ever have done it. I 200% believe this is the only possible way. Stay strong guys, seriously, stay strong.

 

I can relate 100%. That is why my goal is to stay clean 999 days or lets say forever, until I will be able to stop counting.

 

so if someone relapses then they never truly gave it up? don't get me wrong I think the whole "never again" thing is great but we all have times of weakness. I hope that I never have to reset my counter, but I know its a possibility. does that mean I haven't truly given up PMO?

 

The best and most effective commitment is an absolute commitment. Failure is not an option. The more we pity ourselves and act like victims to our addiction, the more likely we are going to get beaten (pun intended). Be done for good. There are no moments of weakness for you anymore. You are in control.

 

I absolutely can relate to to the OP, there's a tremendous amount of truth there, and I think there are some misunderstandings of what he is saying in this thread.

For me I recycled many, many times. My longest streaks were after I joined this forum, at 14 days and 23 days. Now I am not yet past my previous best yet it has been the easiest streak so far. What happened? I had a hard drive that was not in my immediate possession that contained >50 GB of my collection. I had not looked at it IN ONE YEAR since I made it. I did not know if I was ever going to look at it again. After all, I didn't look at it in 1 year and I definitely hardly ever thought about it. After my last recycle, which had nothing to do with that hard drive (I didn't use it), I for some reason felt bothered that it existed, I retrieved it (because it wasn't in my possession) and cleared the hard drive. There is no possibility I am going to be able to get back that material, no matter how much I try. And immediate after doing it, I felt an incredible sense of freedom that I have never felt in a very long time. The high feeling persisted the rest of that day and into the next. It was like I turned back permanently on the old self and was beginnning a new life.

Now what was the difference because it's material that I never looked at anyway. It was the MENTAL DECISION to give up PMO forever, which is what the OP is describing. Even though my counter says 30 days I am not looking at that as being the goal. When I achieve it I am going to set it for 60, and when I do that 90, and so on. It really is about making a decision and not looking back. Deleting any trace of any material that one had, blocking all websites permanently and throwing away the key, etc. One you experience a taste of the freedom you never want to go back.

If only time will tell if one has made the true decision, then the decision wasn't made.

You know when you have given up PMO when you have the FEELING. Until you have it, you have not truly given it up or made the decision, regardless of what the counter says. And even when my counter was at 0 I felt like I never had before. All of the things that we do - watching the educational videos on YBOP to understand what we are going through, blocking websites, using a counter, using whatever strategies we are using, communicating with others -- these are all designed to create the change in us which will eventually result in the feeling of freedom.

 

"The important thing is not to think in terms of abstaining from PMO, but in terms of living by your own rules."

Exactly! I think it's important to have the mindset of 'change' rather than 'NEVER EVER AGAIN!'. I'm sorry but I don't truly believe in the 'never ever again philosophy'. I think you have to be very committed to nofap but to sort of attack the problem directly can backfire a great deal! It's like trying to beat the fight over and over again instead of just having the mindset of; 'I'm not even involved in this so it doesn't concern me' strategy.

It's like when you're having an argument and the other person yells at you. The best thing is very often to lower you voice and attack that other person much more thoughtful. That will beat the other persons strength. This all sound so Gandhi but I hope you see where I'm getting at.

I believe it's much more about developing a new life routine where Nofap isn't involved. Not because you've beaten the habit down but because you've showed it the door.

The never ever philosophy is setting yourself up for failure. I agree that more people should forget about the counter cause it might as well be a reminder.

Just stay on the right side. We all know what Nofap is all about but it shouldn't be a commitment for life nor should it be a planning routine like 90 days then 100 days and so on. Seriously just do your best but don't change your life all of a sudden for the next 60 years. That's ridiculous.

 

I think the point is that if you have made a true decision then it won't be in the telling of time - you already know you will never do it again. Until you know that you haven't made a true decision.

I think there is a lot in this, you have to really want to stop. SWIM had an epiphany when they were smoking cannabis daily and one day just woke up and decided never again, and they quit cold turkey, just like that,

The problem I have is that dealing with absolutes isn't always the best way imo. The decision you make now for all your future might not be the one for all futures. For example SWIM after quitting cannabis for about a year decided to have the odd smoke now and then - because he had met his objectives he had when quitting.

I guess you need to be crystal clear with your motivations quitting something for good. Quitting P - I have committed to that, I will never watch P again. Quitting M for good? Well I don't want to do that, I want to learn to achieve a level where M isn't problematic.

 

I don't see anything inherently bad with it? It's a release. If I can still have the odd release without it spilling over and affecting my sex life then I see absolutely no reason to quit M.

The only reason I want to quit PMO is to sort out PIED.

 

I just blew a nine day streak, and I can finally say with full confidence, "I am an addict." Finding this thread has helped stave off the usual relapse depression, I want to adopt this new mindset. Thank you for posting it.

(Any other 40 something's in here need/want an accountability partner?)