Walking through a dark tunnel ....

So Ive been on this reboot journey now for 66 days. Before that, I hadn't gone more than 58 days without PMO for 13 years. I couldn't remember who I was or what life was like before I started this habit. All I know is that I had more energy then.

About 2 weeks ago I fell into quite a dark, down place. I seemed to hollow out from inside, not knowing who I was, what I wanted to do in any given moment. I felt depressed and exhausted. I believe this could be partly a sign of reboot. So many times I have wanted to go back to PMO for the dopamine fix and to escape this desolate, empty place inside myself that Ive obviously been avoiding for some time. Ive found myself edging massively. Looking up websites to try and meet local women for sex, thinking about ex girlfriends etc but still i've stayed away from PMO.

Now, after at least 2-3 weeks of this nightmare, I seem to be slowly coming out the other side. Im starting to come out of my comfort zone a bit and try new things. Ive begun taking better care of myself with diet and exercise. It seems that I need to discover myself again. Who I am without PMO. I need to consider the bigger picture of my life more and which direction I am heading. It is exciting and also a bit lonely. I always used to have my reliable fix of porn induced super chemicals to keep me afloat, yet numb to my true self. Now I need to find a natural, positive high. I'm sure that with time a new vision will emerge and things will become easier. I will meet more people on the path but in the meantime I simply have to continue to move forward into the unknown.

Here's to the journey !

 

Thank you for the reminder. I agree that doing things for others without thought of reward is very healing and vital for recovery.