The road to day 90!

Day 1
This is my new journal that


I have decided I needed to make. Right now I'm on day 1. I relapsed around 1 hour ago and I haven't been able to go past one week of nofap since March. I don't know why. I have the motivation deep down but when ever an urge hits me especially now since I'm so early in the nofap process my mind automatically says what the hell its not gonna make any difference just do it!!! And I still do it even though I know I'm going to regret it. When ever I fap I make the biggest promise to myself, like yesterday. I relapsed and promised my self so many things. Yet here I am back to square one. I genuinely wanna be done with this addiction. And this journey is going to be the last no more relapsing no more running no more anything I am done with it. I'm going to reach the top. I'm done being looked down upon and being shy all the time. I'm done being referred to as the nice guy. I will not get complacent on my journey. I will be doing cold baths, positive affirmations, meditation and prayers through out this journey. Right now I feel motivated asfff. I have prom tommorow and I'm kinda scared that I might be nervous or get anxiety. Whatever happens I know it will make me stronger so i guess I just have to take what I get. Day 1!

 

Hey brother thanks for the reply. Yes I do have someone that I talk to about things like this and other things I'm not comfortable telling people. And yes you're right it does make a difference. But at the same time a part of me feels weird about it and feels that she doesn't want to hear my sob stories and etc

 

Thank you for the reply brother, it's not can we will do it 100% I will definitely follow you're posts too. We got this!!!!!!!!!!

 

Day 2

Well today was a okay day. I've had my awkward moments today at prom. And when i mean awkward guys i mean really awkward. I wasn't freaking out though. I felt pretty comfortable from where i was. I would see people come in and go. And at times id find myself feeling out of place. But im really glad i went today. Even though i felt awkward today, i ended up asking a girl who i was too shy to ask for prom earlier to prom. The way how things went between us really suprised me. i felt really self concious about her when ever i would ever think about her in anyway. Even thinking about talking to her would make me feel anxious. And what happened was that she asked me to go outside with her, we sat, talked and ended up cuddling there. Like she was sleeping on my lap and basically we were like a couple. I felt kind of awkward yeah. But i went with the flow. And tried to be genuine and happy as much as i could. So i ended up asking her about considering whether we should date. and she was up for it. I was so close today to not even talking to her today because i felt so awkward but i forced myself. Guys no matter what day youre on dont let it decide whether you can do something or not. You could be on day 0 and still get girls. It's all in us loool. I learned it today. The way today went i feel was all because of my Cold Bath and my Meditation which i took before i left. Well im feeling really good right now. I feel pumped. Time to gear up for day 2. We will riseeee. NO MORE PMO!!!!!!!!!

 

Day 3

Well I woke up today feeling pretty anxious. I stayed in bed for a really long time just watching Netflix and got up after a little. I ate and called my friend to play basketball. I also ended up talking to random people today which I talked too easily. I played basketball for a really long time so I wouldn't be bored. I had a good day I would say. There were times that I felt that things were out of my control. But I always remembered to live in the moment. I didn't have any urges today. I think the meditation and baths are responsible for this. Time to gear up for day 3 let's see how it goes. NO PMO!!!

 

Day 4

I woke up today feeling a bit moody and anxious. I was in a really bad mood. I got up ate food and took my daily cold shower. Today mostly consisted of me just re-evaluating my whole life. I was just thinking about my future and how it will be. I also felt a little confident today I pretty much had a good day today. Time to gear up for day 4 NO PMO!!!!

 

Day 5

Today I woke up feeling a little nervous. Not as I was the day before but a little smaller then that. I has alot of things to do today, I met up with people to do a project. I didn't feel anxious or nervous when I was around them. I felt really comfortable. Overall today I was outside all day. I kept myself occupied. I did have some sexual thoughts today but I didn't fantasize to anything. That isn't really my thing. I haven't really had any major urges. But I have had thoughts of relapse in the slightest form. I have been doing my cold showers but I've kinda fallen off track for everything else but I hope to get back on everything tommorow if God gives me breath. A life without pmo feels soo good to me right now. I feel so in control of things in my life right now. Little Things don't bother me anymore. And I'm so early in the nofap stage.
Well it's time to gear up for day 5, NO PMO!!!!!!!!! Let's get ittttt

 

Day 6

Today was a really tough day for me guys. I had a lot of urges today. But the urges came on in the afternoon. I woke up feeling a little bit unsure of myself. I got to school and socialized with people easily. My voice has also gotten really deeper so people can really acknowledged when I talk which I'm so happy about. I remember there use to be a time where when ever I talk nobody can hear me. So the day went on and things were going good. Then my ex gf thay lives in London contacted me and wanted to FaceTime (she is my biggest trigger). So we talked on FaceTime and I started to get turned on and my heart started to beat fast and all we were talking about was how her day went. I was so close in engaging in pmo with her but something inside me stopped me. And all I could think about is all of my nofap brothers and all of the things I've written here. And I stopped myself. Even though I have blue balls I still have an urge right now but I'm not going to do anything. I have a presentation tommorow and I haven't even studied it smhhh wish me luck guys It's time to gear up for day 6 guys!!!!! NO PMO!!!!!!! Let's get ittttt

 

Day 7

Well today was pretty interesting. I woke up this morning feeling a little anxious and nervous. I went to school to do a presentation that I did not study for at all. And I think you guys can guess how that went. I studdered, I stayed quiet for most of the time. But somewhere along the end I thought about all of my nofap brothers and I thought about the struggle they faced. So I ended up forgetting my nervousness and started talking and taking more of a better role then how I was before. Just standing there. After that I talked to the girl I really liked. And we ended up skipping class and ended up going to the cafeteria to play cards and talk. I was flirting effortlessly, I was making nice and funny comments. And it overall was a environment I was happy to be in and by looking at her face I'm sure she was happy too. I am done with this addiction. No more looking back. On the road to day 90!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Day 8

Well today was just another day. I went to school and just did what I usually do. However things were a bit different today. I feel like my brain fog has dissipated. Today I was popping out ideas inside class which actually turned out to be really great ideas. And I really surprised myself. I feel like my thinking has gotten clear like I'm more present in the moment. But today was a pretty messed up day. Like I don't feel sad about it but yeah. This girl That I liked and went to prom with turned out not to like me after all. I asked her after I noticed she'd been acting weird. She said she said she liked me mainly because she was pressured into it. I know for a fact if I was on pmo and she said this to me I would feel sorry for myself and feel awkward and sad an shit. But to be honest I couldn't care less. I just told her I admire her for speaking her true mind and continued to make her laugh and we even talked some more. I was so suprise do with myself it's like nothing really bothers me anymore. And I really like it. Nofap is my salvation, you guys are my motivation!!!! We will beat this addiction together guys I promise you!!!!!! Rise with meeeeeeee

 

Day 9

Well today was a long day. Today was kinda stressful for me. I have kind of been feeling depressed and feel like I'll never amount to anything. I feel like I don't matter. I know these feelings are temporary and I know they come with this journey. But what is the purpose of my life ? This question lingers in me. I feel really sick and tired of life and peoples bullshit. I'm tired of everyone. But I'm not going to relapse. I'm gonna keep going for my nofap brothers and we will rise. I just have to suck it up and tough it out.

 

Day 1
Hey guys I just relapsed. I feel pretty messed up about it. But the way I've been feeling I gave in. I feel messed up but I am going to get back on the horse I am going to beat this addiction, no matter how depressive or sad this gets I have to continue. No giving up guys I won't give up you don't either day 1!!!!!!!!