4 and half years clean <trying to be humble>

Hi

I was a sex addict. I lied and cheated on my wife for over 10 years. I used porn, chatlines, affairs, strip clubs and escorts to feed my disgusting habit.

In October 2011 after months of denying an affair I came clean to my wife about everything I did. It was a traincrash. 4 and a half years later I am happily married to my wife although she understandably has trust issues with me. I have not looked at porn or gone with escorts etc in those 4 years.

I primarily used a website called sexualcontrol by Joe Zychik. I downloaded his 48 chapter book and it made me see what I had become. I then used the sex addiction workbook Tamara spraga and William Donohue. This helped me with my recovery which took approximately 90 days but recovery continues in different forms after that.

If you have any questions I maybe able to offer advice.

Thank you for listening.

 

So I have set myself a counter as although I am not acting out like I sex addict like I did previously (Oct 2011 )........

I find myself occasionally M. Have not used P over the last 4.5 years......but I still seem to occasionally see P subs when browsing. Basically at innocent site looking at something about football (soccer for the Americans) and may have a thumbnail pic link on side to something not healthy with a clickable line.....May expand the pic in size on my kindle....so can get a closer look....but will never actually click......want to get to the point where I turn back or simply ignore and expand what I was reading about football so the pic is no longer in view......

As for M.....want to get to the point where I only M once every few months or something along those lines.....problem is I have a wife and she turns me on with the stuff she wears sometimes...yet she doesn't want to have sex with me.....so for now am going for no M....and want to have a relationship with my wife with loving sex not lustful M....

 

Thanks for the reply sojourner and thanks for the like traveller.....it really helps when people comment....thanks to both of you...keep strong....

My current issue is for 4 and a half years I have been motivated by wanting to be a better husband and wanting to be a better dad and wanting to not be sex addicted.

Not having to spend every minute on these things anymore...need to find more things to occupy some of my time.....have spent a bit riding bike, doing lots of diy around the house....I worry now that the boredom and complacency starts to creep in.....although I am quite sure I will never go back to a life of cheating and lying.....I worry I may start to say M without P is OK twice/thrice a week.....where I don't think it is for me.....as that is what is stopping me from making love to my wife....

The debate about wife getting dressed up quite nicely and going out with friends..or going out to work....but not reciprocating advances when at home in joggers.....is another debate.....or is it me blaming her for my M.....at the end of the day I am accountable to myself and if I show living tendency even though they are not returned....

I can't blame her she stayed with me...now is the hard work of building up a marriage...with someone who she now actually knows.....

Sorry I am going on.....

Glad my story is inspiring....just having a bad day mate......as I said before the recovery is less intense in later years...but never stops really....just changes its form....

If you like pizza but decide to never eat pizza again....you still like pizza 20 years later....it's just the urge is lot less intense...you forget about pizza for long periods......you just don't act on it.....you control it....good luck my fellow guys.....

 

Thanks for the reply.....Marriage counselling maybe a very good idea....however it sometimes makes it worse......I think we may be able to sort it through fortitude and perseverance and lots of communication....but she has to work on herself like I have worked on myself.....understandably she is wondering why she has to work on herself....but she has recently communicated how she naively used to make me feel upset...and being a fool I didn't bring it up with her....instead engaged in pmo....and now that I don't engage in pmo I bring up stuff.....and that's where the trouble lies....loads of arguments where we didn't used to have arguments....

Why do you ask if there is a pattern?

 

Guys read my journal and comment if it helps....

I read once that guys more likely to get into PMO are the guys that think they have less friends

 

Hi to all of you out there....that read this journal...remember we stand together brothers......we are there for each other in spirit....I often at weak moments think if the people I follow and the people that have commented on this website.....turn over and fall asleep....thanks to all the people who set up and the community that contributes....

It so good just going to sleep and waking up and fapping not being the last thing or first thing on your mind.....I love it when I am in that place

 

Remember you decide what you have to do.....

I changed a lot of my passwords to things like idec1de.

Look up the definition of this word fortitude......look it up my friend and then learn it....

Then look up persistence.....look it up again and learn it