Masturbation

The StrivingMuslim · Jul 20, 2016

Pls help me with some steps I can take to cob this problem..masturbating doesn't kill my urge any more, instead it worsen my situation, as much as I want to get married I still don't have the means too...

Jodo Kus · Jul 20, 2016

Tell us what you have done so far to stay clean (what works for you and what not)
Tell us about your current situation. And what's your motivation?
Also I would recommend to stay calm. What guys do is being active, doing social activities, doing sport, being outside. Allow yourself to take small steps. For example if you can avoid masturbating during the day it's an achievement, when you don't masturbate each night it's an achievement. Accept that urges can build up when you stay abstinent for some time and "destroy you". The thing needs training if you ask me.
By the way, have you consulted a religious adviser, I mean to your Imam for example?

The StrivingMuslim · Jul 20, 2016

Sincerely concerning consulting an adviser that I have not done...(Shy)
I'm 22 and still haven't had sex all my life,
no matter how much I got involved with the opposite sex, it still not easy, I'm an extrovert, infact I'm even scared having a conversion with the opposite sex cuz if i do, its a step of commiting myself, i have a rocket speed urge and this ladies get attracted to me easily and at the end still won't be able to have sex after series of sexual act with them..
I lost most of my female friends cuz we end up indulging into sexual act, which I'm the cause and at the end still won't sex them it made some hate me and stayed away...
Although I never had a successful relationship due to my high level of criteria in selecting a spouse.
I do everything every active guy dose, the worst part of the whole situation is...I work with a counselling firm
(Brainy educare) i got Mentees and I'm a motivator, i handle marital issues infact people come for counselling session...
#my afternoons are occupied, I work as a part time teacher "Islamic studies" in two Schools, and have extra classes I take on weekends
#I play basketball on the weekends...
#I have more than enough friends male and females around me...
But any slight opportunity I got, I go down into masturbating after promising not to go back to it again....
My biggest problem now is masturbating doesn't solve my urge problem no more...

TheDancingPotato · Jul 20, 2016

I don't want to get in any religion/belief dispute here. You should consider that you may not be the type to get married. I m surely not that type of guy, I don't want a wife or kids or anything like that (sure I may change my mind later but now I m very sure about this). You may want to consider this because it's important that you are honest with yourself (honesty it's a key factor that will ensure a quick and stable healing process from this addiction). You seem to be a very cool guy and you are doing a great job for being very active and outgoing, congrats for that man ( you may not believe it, but many people here struggle with nofap simply because they just sit in front of a computer all day long and they feel lonely ). The thing is that you look at females in a sexual manner (it's ok everyone does it, but porn addicts over do it, a lot). What happens is that you lose your manliness, your confidence when you are too impress by a woman looks so you either won't approach her or she will notice that you act weird or very different that usual around her ( which may cause her to think you are either a creep or to desperate and in both ways you will get a big friendzone). Now I can tell from experience that this happens due to PMO or simply put (the fact that you think about sex 95% of the time and you make it such a big deal so you start putting pressure on yourself). I suggest that you create some good habits to support you on your journey like: changing the environment in which you live in (ex: redecorate your room ), start meditating (clear your mind of your unhealthy thoughts, let them vanish don't pay attention to them) ,start jogging and going to the gym (exercise will help you a lot because when you are tired you don't feel like M and watching P) and I would also recommend to change your sleeping habits (go to bed at 10, 11 or at least at 12, believe me it's a game changer).
I wish you the best and I hope you will succeed on your journey!

Jodo Kus · Jul 20, 2016

The StrivingMuslim said: ↑

Sincerely concerning consulting an adviser that I have not done...(Shy)
Click to expand...

You decide with whom to speak about it. I welcome you on this forum! may it help you. Just saying, talking to people face to face and people you know is a good thing to do.
Do you watch porn? If it's only masturbation I wouldn't be too hard on myself, or at least not focus on this alone but also on the causes.
From your posts it's not so clear what you want. Do you want sex or do you want a spouse?

The StrivingMuslim · Jul 20, 2016

@Dancing potato, thank you so much for your sincere and meaniful contributions towards seeing me through my present situation....ones again thank you.

The StrivingMuslim · Jul 20, 2016

Jodo Kus said: ↑

You decide with whom to speak about it. I welcome you on this forum! may it help you. Just saying, talking to people face to face and people you know is a good thing to do.
Do you watch porn? If it's only masturbation I wouldn't be too hard on myself, or at least not focus on this alone but also on the causes.
From your posts it's not so clear what you want. Do you want sex or do you want a spouse?
Click to expand...

TheDancingPotato said: ↑

I don't want to get in any religion/belief dispute here. You should consider that you may not be the type to get married. I m surely not that type of guy, I don't want a wife or kids or anything like that (sure I may change my mind later but now I m very sure about this). You may want to consider this because it's important that you are honest with yourself (honesty it's a key factor that will ensure a quick and stable healing process from this addiction). You seem to be a very cool guy and you are doing a great job for being very active and outgoing, congrats for that man ( you may not believe it, but many people here struggle with NoFap simply because they just sit in front of a computer all day long and they feel lonely ). The thing is that you look at females in a sexual manner (it's ok everyone does it, but porn addicts over do it, a lot). What happens is that you lose your manliness, your confidence when you are too impress by a woman looks so you either won't approach her or she will notice that you act weird or very different that usual around her ( which may cause her to think you are either a creep or to desperate and in both ways you will get a big friendzone). Now I can tell from experience that this happens due to PMO or simply put (the fact that you think about sex 95% of the time and you make it such a big deal so you start putting pressure on yourself). I suggest that you create some good habits to support you on your journey like: changing the environment in which you live in (ex: redecorate your room ), start meditating (clear your mind of your unhealthy thoughts, let them vanish don't pay attention to them) ,start jogging and going to the gym (exercise will help you a lot because when you are tired you don't feel like M and watching P) and I would also recommend to change your sleeping habits (go to bed at 10, 11 or at least at 12, believe me it's a game changer).
I wish you the best and I hope you will succeed on your journey!
Click to expand...

@Dancing potato, thank you so much for your sincere and meaniful contributions towards seeing me through my present situation....ones again thank you.

The StrivingMuslim · Jul 20, 2016

Jodo Kus said: ↑

You decide with whom to speak about it. I welcome you on this forum! may it help you. Just saying, talking to people face to face and people you know is a good thing to do.
Do you watch porn? If it's only masturbation I wouldn't be too hard on myself, or at least not focus on this alone but also on the causes.
From your posts it's not so clear what you want. Do you want sex or do you want a spouse?
Click to expand...

@Jodo Kus , thank you so much I appreciate your effort...
Concerning the porn question you asked, I do, only if I felt like it, and sometimes i just (M) without it...and for the sex thing, asking if i want sex or not is an understatement i would love to have sex or at least have a test of how it feels like... I had and still have all opportunity if I want to, but it just not easy at all....(Scared).... would you believe me if I tell you, that I sometimes shed tears due to the urge and couldn't penetrate the opposite sex...
So if sex was all I wanted, I have the opportunity in abundance.....
All I need is a spouse not just for sex but a woman to feel that empty space in my heart, and be the coolness of my eyes....

iceman40 · Jul 20, 2016

The StrivingMuslim said: ↑

Pls help me with some steps I can take to cob this problem..masturbating doesn't kill my urge any more, instead it worsen my situation, as much as I want to get married I still don't have the means too...

Click to expand...

The StrivingMuslim said: ↑

Sincerely concerning consulting an adviser that I have not done...(Shy)
I'm 22 and still haven't had sex all my life,
no matter how much I got involved with the opposite sex, it still not easy, I'm an extrovert, infact I'm even scared having a conversion with the opposite sex cuz if i do, its a step of commiting myself, i have a rocket speed urge and this ladies get attracted to me easily and at the end still won't be able to have sex after series of sexual act with them..
I lost most of my female friends cuz we end up indulging into sexual act, which I'm the cause and at the end still won't sex them it made some hate me and stayed away...
Although I never had a successful relationship due to my high level of criteria in selecting a spouse.
I do everything every active guy dose, the worst part of the whole situation is...I work with a counselling firm
(Brainy educare) i got Mentees and I'm a motivator, i handle marital issues infact people come for counselling session...
#my afternoons are occupied, I work as a part time teacher "Islamic studies" in two Schools, and have extra classes I take on weekends
#I play basketball on the weekends...
#I have more than enough friends male and females around me...
But any slight opportunity I got, I go down into masturbating after promising not to go back to it again....
My biggest problem now is masturbating doesn't solve my urge problem no more...
Click to expand...

I just want to get some things straight or clarify. You had female friends who wanted to have sex with you and you decided not to have intercourse? There's nothing wrong with your feelings of wanting to have sex because that's a natural human instinct. The problem is when you watch porn and that Fox up your head. Now don't take this the wrong way but if you not able to have sex with females may be you are not meant to have sex with females. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality because you're born that way. I come from a Muslim background and I do accept homosexuality as being normal even though I am a heterosexual myself. The only advice that I can give you is that it is okay to have sex responsibility with females. Where protection and don't get them pregnant. I am a very liberal Muslim and I know about the human psychology very well. I do respect the religion because it has helped so many people. But be careful of some of the religious people who see things one way, their way. I don't go to the mosque anymore because it's full of stupid people and the smart and educated Muslims don't want to get involved with their religious bull shit. He seemed like a very smart man and you will develop your own beliefs and philosophy about life and society.

The StrivingMuslim · Jul 20, 2016

iceman40 said: ↑

I just want to get some things straight or clarify. You had female friends who wanted to have sex with you and you decided not to have intercourse? There's nothing wrong with your feelings of wanting to have sex because that's a natural human instinct. The problem is when you watch porn and that Fox up your head. Now don't take this the wrong way but if you not able to have sex with females may be you are not meant to have sex with females. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality because you're born that way. I come from a Muslim background and I do accept homosexuality as being normal even though I am a heterosexual myself. The only advice that I can give you is that it is okay to have sex responsibility with females. Where protection and don't get them pregnant. I am a very liberal Muslim and I know about the human psychology very well. I do respect the religion because it has helped so many people. But be careful of some of the religious people who see things one way, their way. I don't go to the mosque anymore because it's full of stupid people and the smart and educated Muslims don't want to get involved with their religious bull shit. He seemed like a very smart man and you will develop your own beliefs and philosophy about life and society.
Click to expand...

Iceman40
No...!!!
I seek refuge in Allaah against any act of such ( homosexuality)...
It is a misconception...
I only shared my predicament here to seek problem solving ideas, cuz I believe this plartform consist of people that might be facing the same issue as myself...
And all i expected are sincerer contributions on a neutral ground to help me get over this...
By Allah...
Islam provides all necessary solutions to all problems...but as a student counsellor I extend my hands cuz no knowledge is harmful...
What God says about formication (Zina)
He says in the gracious Quran:
"And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a great sin and an evil way." (Chapt. 17 verse 32)
"And those who invoke not any other god along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse (zina) and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; except those who repent and believe and do righteous deeds, for those Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Chapt.25, verse 68-70)..
The bible also states:
But I tell you you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5-28
when the Quran states...
And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse is more eloquent than merely saying Do not commit formication, because the meaning is, Do not even come close to formication. This means not doing any deed that may get close to formication or lead to it, such as being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, looking, going to evil places, speaking in a lustful manned to a woman to whom one is not related,masturbating, watching pornography, thinking about and planning immoral acts, and so on...
He still says:"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.....
PRATICAL SOLUTION TO MASTURBATION & PORN...
Let me start by sayin sins by their very nature are addictive, for it is in the very nature of the carnal self to seek pleasure in sins. As Al-Busiri has rightly said, “The carnal self is a like a baby; if you neglect him, he will grow up clinging on to the breast-milk forever, but if you wean him off, he will be weaned off.”
I suggest a few tips which we can use to empower yourself:
1. Visualize and meditate on the ugliness of this heinous sin and conjure up images of hell fire as painted in the Qur’an and the Sunnah as many times as possible until such time that whenever you are tempted to visit such websites or read such magazines, the scenes of hell fire will be playing in your mind. Thus, even as you have associated this addiction with pleasure, you will come to associate it with pure pain and suffering.
2. Convince yourself of the urgency of removing this malignant cancer from your life by taking all measures such as listing all the negative things about such habits, and listing the verses and traditions about the gravity of sins. Remember it is far more serious than cancer attacking your body, since your soul survives you even after your physical body has disintegrated in the earth.
3. Imagine how terrible a loss you will be facing were you to die while being addicted to this most heinous sin.
4. Seek strength from Allah by crying to Him for succor. But you can never seek the help of Allah unless you seek to establish connection with Him through regular Prayers, so never be slack in your Prayers.
5. Schedule your time in such a way that you are never left with any time to think of such matters. Imam Ash-Shafi`i said, “If you don’t occupy your mind with good works, your carnal self will make you busy in bad deeds!”
6. Surround yourself with spiritual and Islamic influences and virtually immerse yourself in them.
7. Always hang around with good Muslims who are busy doing good works; join a halaqah (study circle) where spiritual training is imparted together with the study of Islam.
8. Make your mind and tongue busy with dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Say the following words and others frequently:
Subhan Allah; al-hamdu lillah; laa ilaha illa Allah; Allahu akbar;
Wa laa hawla wala quwwata illa billah. Astaghfir Allaha al-azhim min kulli dhanbin wa atubu ilaihi. (Glory be to Allah; praise be to Allah; there is no god but Allah; Allah is Greatest. There is no power or strength except by the will of Allah. I ask forgiveness of Allah from all my sins and repent to Him.)
9. Once you have been weaned of these pernicious habits, you should seriously consider marriage; marriage is the protection against temptations.
I pray that the Beneficent Lord of Mercy save us all from the evil inclinations of our souls and make us hate disbelief, transgressions and sins; and may He endear to our hearts faith and good works and I pray for you all my friends here on NOFAP facing same issue, I ask Allah to distance you away from this act and replace it for you all with good deeds...
Ameen.
The StrivingMuslim...

Brother iceman...As to what you said.."I don't go to the mosque anymore because it's full of stupid people and the smart and educated Muslims don't want to get involved with their religious bull shit"...
One thing for sure you should know is that, Islam is a religion not devoided of tennets, it has rules that governs it, and anything contrary to that rulings will be rejected....Not going to the mosque is a choice and path which you choose, cuz we are all responsible for our own actions...and will account for it someday.
Allah says: And for whom I have guided non can misguide and for any whom I have misguided non can guide...So if Allah loves you, He helps you to move closer to him...
Lastly calling the Muslims who goes to the mosque..."foolish and stupid" makes no logical sense...
Literally you've insulted me and many Muslims around the world...
The Prophet says: Insulting a Muslim is a great sin and killing him, is disbelieve...
Thank you....
The StrivingMuslim.

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