Your experiences on hard mode

ctr man, I gotta give you a HUGE "CONGRATS" on you 30 day no PMO, you inspire me!!!

I wanna get there...

 

It is really tough, the hardest part is really just controlling your urges of the internet. It is so easy to slip and look up something quick, but as soon as that thought enters your head and you get to the first lustful thought, it is VERY hard to come back. But personally I have noticed I care more about socializing and am finding other things to do when I am bored. I am also cutting back on TV and other addicting time wasters, so that has helped me go out instead of staying in and doing nothing. Unfortunately to this day I struggle with 'looking' at women, and it does make it easy to fantasize, but it is all about not letting that initial thought in.

 

Self-confidence is the big one for sure. I can make sustained eye-contact, calmly organise my thoughts and not be intimidated in social situations because i'm not hiding anything anymore. I'm not living a secret, dirty double life that contradicts my public one.

Also a more genuine attraction to women is developing; not for what they can do, but for who they are. I'm rediscovering so much unique human beauty every day. An innocence and sincerity that is in us but not from us. By being more at peace with all the waring factions within me, i'm seeing people as they actually are and everyone, deep down, is golden.

So i'm far more in touch with reality, including my 'feelings'. I laugh a lot more and enjoy the goodness in life, whereas before I was dead with cynicism and only took an empty joy in people's 'fails'. I also dont mind admitting that some things have moved me to tears too - like a couple of tragic news stories.. Not the most manly moments of my life, but I let it out rather than burying it alive.

I dont quite know the reason, but during the day I virtually feel no serious sexual temptation. I get plenty of 'stirrings', but I seem to be able to shut things down easily enough before i'm at the mercy of a raging boner. I used to think this would be impossible without cutting off TV and internet, but after at least a few years of painful relapses, here I am. A lion tamer.

Having said that, I know how fragile things actually are. There are plenty of idle curiosities and perving opportunities that I know, if I opened the door to them, i'd be straight back to square one and maybe in a worse state. The thing that worries me at the moment is all the sexy dreams I have; it's not my fault, and they dont drive me mad all day, but it does feel like a sub-conscious rebellion - possibly chipping away at things and awaiting that perfect storm (massive stress, a crushing rejection, blind rage etc). But at the heart of those dreams is a readiness and natural desire for real intimacy and true openness anyway, not the brutal, hunting animal impulses I used to be possessed by.

But I commit myself to 'nofap' anew every day, as soon as I wake up. Lol, now my only PMO habit is to Pray the Morning Offering. I'm Catholic, but the struggle against PMO is the only thing that has made the faith real to me - the reality and power of personal sin and our helplessness against it, alone. By finally committing to that prayer during Lent, esp offering the Lord all sufferings of the day (I make this little sacrifice of temptation for you, so that I can be more like you, not betray you and share in your redeeming work in the world), the power of porn has really been broken.

Before, I barely understood myself. I hated PMO, but I kept doing it. It would be like an outer-body experience; click that cheeky youtube vid, search for another, disable the safesearch, go to google images - blah. I had no power to stop because I didnt really want to stop. But there will come a time for all of you, if you keep the faith against PMO, that you feel that true resolve emerge and you can say with a full, clear conscience: I want to stop. If youre sincere, the power will be given to you to stop opening those little doors to PMO. You'll get right down to the core of the weed and pluck out the whole thing, rather than leaving the root and waiting for it to regrow and strangle all the good things youre trying to grow in your life.

/too long

 

I have experienced the same results, I feel like I have control over my desires and won't fap ever again.

 

Not looking at women as objects is my absolute favorite part of this challenge. Everything else is hit or miss. But that one crucial foundation is the key to building truly great relationships.

 

Hard mode fucking sucks

This is my first streak and it's been all hard mode. I have not had a single orgasm with the exception of two wet dreams in the past 79 days. And it just sucks. I crave women now, I objectify them more in my head, and I want to go back to porn.

To give a little background, I'm a college student who has a regular PMO addiction, kind of typical for most users on this site, and I always had a voice in the back of my head telling me I should stop. I ran into this site, super motivated, and quit on the spot. That was February 20th. I told me wonderful girlfriend about it and she has been supportive. We have had gentile sex several times, which means I don't achieve orgasm, but she does. The first 20-30 days were pretty cool. I felt better - noticed myself cheating a lot with minor "grey area" stuff that wasn't porn, but was a bit arousing. I talked about it on this site, and was able to stop myself from "cheating" after 30 days. But somewhere around 40-45 days I just stopped giving a fuck. I haven't once watched actual porn, but this journey has just sucked in the last 30-35 days or so.

And the reason?

BECAUSE I DON'T NEED TO DO HARD MODE!

I do not suffer ED, or anything like that so there is no need for Hard Mode. I'm just doing it to finish it up. But after 90 days, I'm allowing myself to masturbate as frequently as I like and trying another 90 days without porn. That'll be much better.

I kid you not, there is no need for hard mode unless you have some ED or DE. At the very least, go the first 30 days just eliminating porn, but allowing MO. Because I wish I did that myself.

 

I might as well complete it seeing as I'll never go 90 days without an orgasm again. And what's another 10 days? Afterwards I will set a new goal because I do not feel cured from this addiction. If I were to break the streak now, too many negative emotions would flood my mind.

 

Very insightful and motivational all and hopefully I get there