Gay in mind but straight in real life?!

I can't tell for sure, because everything is subjective, but from my experience when you say

That's what someone call "feeling the butterflies in your stomach", something that one might experience in situation of deep emotional impact.

Then again, I can't tell for sure, you're the ultimate judge.

I questioned myself about my sexual orientation and I came to the conclusion that I am straight: I like women and I find nauseating the idea of doing anything sexual with a man, and for nauseating I mean that I already feel like throwing up, just for s̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ writing it out loud.

 

You may be straight, gay or bisexual.
There's only one way to find out what you really are, imagination is never reliable.

 

I understand what you mean man, I have the same problem and I struggle with it everytime I relapse. I can do things with guys online but never in real life, I can never imagine doing something with a guy. Although I have cammed with a lot of guys but that's where the addiction to porn kicks in, over time the escalation to gay porn occurs and then it still escalates, in my case I wanted it to be interactive and so I moved to video chats with other guys. I am straight but whenever these thoughts take over and my urges kick in, I am a whole different person. I have no problem with being with guys in real life, I have alot of guy friends and I have no problem with spending time with them. I hope you don't feel alone with this. I understand your struggle as I am still looking for who I am and I hope abstaining from porn and camming will make the answer clearer for me , and I hope for you too.

 

Go to a gay bar, no for real. You'll know for sure then. You don't have to do anything, just observe stuff.

 

I quoted this very line because that is what gave me the following thought:

Couldn't it be that a subconscious part of yourself is inclined to despise gay people, while the rational and conscious part of yourself wants to accept them because your values don't embrace despise and hate; as a result, you're subconsciously trying to have gay fantasies/experiences to understand gay people and accept them even with your subconscious mind?

This is just a thought, not a real question, you don't have to answer me, it has to serve yourself.

 

I don't know how to advise you. @RepentMySins has probably given you the best advice: go to a gay bar. If you don't have one near where you live, maybe try to know some gay online, even though I am afraid this could trigger you on the PMO side, hence why I am reluctant suggesting you to do so.

 

You can't be sure about your sexuality if you haven't rebooted for at least 90 days. After you have rebooted the truth will unfold itself. Right now rebooting should be your goal. Don't worry about questions you won't find an immediate answer for.

 

Roughly once every 18-24 days avg.
I don't think your back to square one.
Square one would be binge relapsing like 3 -5 days straight.

 

i wouldnt suggest going to gay bar to find out if you're gay. that's what happens with porn chasing effect. at first we seek novelty n then we are googling categories that once we thought as taboo.

maybe give the mind a break. try to improve other areas of life. at times its better to play safe.

let the 90 day reboot take into effect. that should help.

 

What I mean is, as long as you haven't rebooted enough as to not relapse for 90 days, you can't differentiate what is fetish and what not. It may even take longer than 90 days.

 

Let's point out also that 90 days isn't a magic number. For some people it may take twice that.