Relapsed after 40 days. What I learned...

So, I relapsed after 40 days of being clean. It's not technically a relapse, I had some tough ball pains because of blueballs and couldn't take it any more so I decided to empty them in the shower this evening. I waited for a few days but no wet dreams and so I did it myself to get rid of the pain. Although it wasn't to get any pleasure, it's still a relapse and I want to play it fairly so my counter goes back to 0.

Here are some things I learned about myself and the world in these 40 days that I mainly want to be an inspiration for myself and then for others too.

- One of the first things was that I was addicted but wouldn't wanted to accept it. Once I did accept it and then shared it with a person of trust, things got 10 times easier. It's not easy to talk to someone about it, you might be judged but find the right one. I know most of us around here don't have many friends. I don't either. I just have about 3 close ones(2 guys and one girl). I talked to each of them about it and I was so relieved after that.

- Fapping was only one part of my addiction.. Actually, it was a symptom I neglected for so long. I had really big emotional problems and masturbation was a way to escape. One fap and then I was numb for about a few days so I didn't had to deal with emotions any more. Once I took my "bull" from the horns and fought it, things got more clear.

- I found out that most(if not all) of my other friends fap too and they are ok with it. I wasn't ok with it for so much time and that made me feel so bad about myself and then went again for a fap just to be numb again. This vicious circle...

- I found the most amazing book I ever read. It's called "Models" by Mark Manson and I swear it's the best book I read so far. I learned so much from there about confidence, self-esteem, being myself and getting rid of my neediness. This book gave me more courage to talk to girls openly and I already had so many girls hitting me up.

- I learned that I need to plan my day. Since I started going to university my life got so busy that I don't even have time to think about fapping or porn. When I was home in vacation my urges were sooo high because I was being lazy. A study and prayer program in the morning helped me a lot too so much that I think it was crucial.

- I started enjoying spending time alone. Before I always had to have something going on. Gaming, music, movies or other things to distract my attention but now I started enjoying spending time alone, walking alone, just thinking about things, plan my week ahead.. You should try this too.

- And the last one I want to write in here is "LOVE YOURSELF". I used to hate myself. I viewed myself as the worst person in the world. I pitied myself and because of that I was hiding in my dark spot and hated to interact with people.

It's 1:20 AM in here and at 7 I need to get up for classes but pouring my soul in here felt so right. I don't hate myself for "relapsing" because now the pain is gone and I can get a good night's rest(finally!!!). So, back to day 0. Here we go on another new adventure. Good luck to all of you guys and don't give up. 40 days might sound like a lot but it's actually not that much. Every one of you reading this can get past it easily. You just need to want it. NOT "kinda" want it. You truly need to want it and you'll have dozens of benefits out of it, I promise!!!

 

Thank you and good luck to you too!!!

 

We'll definitely do! I read the book in like 3 days. It was right on the spot for me because I could identify myself with what he described in there