i was active here for a short time several months ago. Had some moderate success in breaking the cycle for a week or two at a time followed by failing miserably. Started reading a book about porn obsession and now trying to reboot. Thanks for listening.
Do you do things recommended on this site like journaling everyday, working out, meditation, jogging/running etc everyday? Doing these can greatly help along with posting here everyday and downloading k9 blocker by having someone setting up the password.
The book is Breaking the Cycle by George Collins. I got it on Amazon. He offers skype and phone counseling at a fee which I am reluctant to pay. He doesn't push the online counseling in the book. The book seems to be quite insightful. I have read 3 chapters so far and am doing the exercises. I am pleased with it so far.
Starting the next day's journaling now as I take my first step away from my old self. I believed that seeing sexy women was my trigger for my self indulgence (M). They are everywhere from television to movies, advertising, even my Facebook page. I have come to realize that they are not my trigger. My trigger is loneliness, boredom, and disappointment. I am disappointed in what is left of my work life and things in my life did not work out as a I expected. I'm not saying that things are bad or woe is me, because I have done rather well in spite of these disappointments. I revert back to the escape and euphoria of M when I feel this way. After M I don't feel better...actually I feel worse. I need to remember that. I also need to find contentment in just existing. I don't need to be the best or the adulation of success in other people's eyes to feel like I accomplished something. I need to find contentment in just doing simple things like painting the hallway door or organizing my tools for a move. Maybe I can watch a movie or a show and not look for the titilation of a half dressed women to feel excited about watching it. I have a long way to go. I am not going to count days just going to keep stepping away. One step one day. Hopefully I don't fall. Thanks for listening.
Another day another step. Made it through the day with minimal desires although I did feel the pull of the computer to do a little porn surfing. I managed to avoid giving in. I got the door in the hallway painted and took care of some other business. The disappointment that I feel regarding work came on pretty strong tonight, that is a trigger and I have reached a point where I identify that trigger and resist it's control over me. I liked Awakening123's suggestion of downloading k9 for the computer. The password issue has me concerned because if I know the password then why have one? I really don't want to share this compulsion with anyone I know so I'm not exactly sure how to get a password done. I will think on it. The weekend is here and that usually means I will be a little busy and less lonely so that is a good thing. Anyway got one more step in the right direction today. Thanks for listening/reading.
Make up a random password by typing random words which even if you see, you won't be able to remember. Copy paste that password into your k9 and send it to me via pm and I can save it for you. Good luck!
Another step away today. Not a whole lot of activity today. I work nights and slept amazing today (which is unusual). My wife was home and made a nice dinner. This journey away from self indulgence will hopefully bring back some of the intimacy that has been missing in our relationship. I believe that the porn use results in my unrealistic expectations for my spouse. Since I've been heavily involved with porn over the last several years it has taken a toll. She is a great girl and she deserves better and a better version of me. The guilt and shame I feel is not insignificant today. I am however feeling better today than I was yesterday. I still feel the pull to the computer and the gratification I get there but am resisting. Tomorrow should be relatively easy to stay away but Monday will be a test and a challenge. Thanks for listening/reading.