Hello fapstronauts, I finally decided to post here! What primarily attracted me to NoFap is this post I've seen somewhere, regarding a man who managed to get by 6 months without masturbation: "... I think it was so mainly because I felt so present and grounded like a 500 year old tree. Everything I did was "deeper" and I felt generally very capable of accomplishing anything that came to my mind..." Anyway, I am 25 years old, I live in Europe and for the last few years I dance a social dance, which I really feel in love with and find everyday new and new ways to progress in it. However, it feels to me as if all other parts of my life are filled with lack of success, that I am a total failure (career choice, no friends, no sex, going from one unrequited crush to another). This feeling of failure also infests my dancing experience. The problem that I am dealing the most when it comes to masturbation and relapses is, that I simply stop believing that anything will change, and then I make a conscious decision to start masturbating again, even if I regret it later. One of my greatest worries right now is this hatred that I have started feeling towards social dancing -- this worry has also brought me here. The dance that I indulge in includes dancing with females of all ages in close embrace, cheek to cheek; it is based on connection (as well as perfection in the dance technique), and even though I don't really have friends there, I have a lot of friends of both genders I love to meet, hug and kiss (I am straight, by the way). But this very same intimacy also fuels my sexual frustration -- how many times would I rather have sex with the woman I am currently dancing with!!! But doing so seems like a dream from another universe, and I am also afraid to share this thought with anyone else. I tried visiting a prostitute a couple of times, because I just couldn't stand the pressure anymore. It was ok, she "cared about me" and I felt good for the first three times or so, but then not anymore (since I knew that it is fake, and besides I was afraid about STDs). I've also read a lot of stuff about dating, I've been to the seminars and workshops about seduction, dating markets, body language and such... bla bla However, putting this knowledge into practice is where I lack the most. Currently I still live with my parents, but I have a job and am looking for an apartment (to be honest, I am unconsciously constantly delaying moving from home). I am going to psychotherapy regarding what I wrote above, but I think I'll also need help from forums as yours to get somewhere better in life. Have a good day, and then also a good night!
Hello Marka! Nice that you wrote, at some point I had a feeling that I am reading about myself, haha. But I think these fears will pass. You will get an apartment, this will allow you to change point of view, you never know what kind of thinking you would have in the future, haha! So keep your head up. From my experience about relationships and sex, it comes natural. Don't try to chase it, it will come naturally (at least this is my strategy), as soon as you get interest of some girl and you like each other you're on a good way . Me too, I am struggling with this. Sometimes I am very social and I enjoy social dance sometimes I have panic attacks and I don't want to dance with girls because I feel totally lack of self-confidence. But these are only moments! I think till you go out and dance with people you're on the way. Just keep going!
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Thank you, Misha! I am so happy to know that there are also dancers here! What do you do when you have a panic attack on a dance party? I've learned, that in such cases it is best to confide in someone, at least partially, and even if I just met them -- but are there any other possibilities? Thank you, D.J.! My current strategy is being aware. Aware of when I am aching for masturbation (for example, when I sense a certain smell or think about the way woman I have/had a crush on feels to touch). Even then, sometimes I decide to go for it (due to anxiety, depression, disbelief into the future). As Misha wrote, changing a point of view, advancing in life, is necessary here -- no amount of self-control and awareness of the triggers will make me drop masturbation, if I honestly don't think there is any future ahead.
The most effective one - to find a dancer who has positive attitude and dance with her/him. You will forget about anxiety If you are living at the moment at least I was doing it. Not always works especially If between dancers I don't like someone very very much, but well
