time to man up and let go off the past

You can do it,one step at a time and its gonna be alright !

 

Maximize each day as they come. My problem is arrogance. Once I reach certain progress I get very arrogant and slip up. I believe that intense focus and sub goals within the actual day going on will help with this problem. So I share this with you.

 

Ego and arrogance always cause me to relapse after a successful reboot. Basically though from now on if I have a sexual urge that I feel an absolute need to act on, I'm going to start talking to women and looking for a mate. Channel the energy towards where it is really trying to go. No more fantasizing to pixels. It's time to start playing the dating game. I don't own a computer anymore. I quit WoW 2 years ago. Now the only thing keeping me from being a god with women is this nasty little habit. I don't really like pickup and the culture behind it, and there's so much more to life than finding a girl, but now is my time to find my dreamgirl, and if that means going through a dozen gf's to get to her, I need to do this now. This is my final fight. Either I end the fight now, or it ends me.

 

In reading your words I find we are very similar. In particularly with how we are able to get women. With that said I'm not sure exactly how long you've been at this battle but for me it's been 13 years. Within that time one of the many things I've discovered is that "proclaiming" that each time after a relapse is "that this is last time. If I fail again I'm doomed or done for" "or my soul is lost if I fail again" these are some of the worst words and mantras we could say to ourselves because of the arrogance and belief in ourselves that we have.. it ultimately is the start of a streak destined to fail because instead of appreciating the addiction for what it is with a humbling approach each day that passes.. especially in the early parts of rebooting. We're more focused on how great we are in general (which overall isn't a bad thing) but in the case of trying to overcome this mental addiction is very detrimental. It also makes it 100x harder to pick yourself back up after a relapse if you've proclaimed to yourself that "if I fail again I've failed forever" or you somehow lose for good. This is not factual.. and it's a very self condemning approach. Not good in the long run for trying to overcome bad addictions/habbits. I'm learning more and more that it's necessary to have a dominant through humble approach on a day to day basis to succeed @ reaching your potential and well beyond.

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with determination and resolutions to change (having made hundreds myself) however we have to think about how. What makes this time any different from all the others? "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got". For me it's been a real revelation to learn about brain chemistry, the psychology of addictions, the role of dopamine in particular and also really helpful getting connected with others in the same position on this forum. I've picked up so many really useful tricks, tips, techniques and new perspectives that it's made the last six months a completely new ball game for me. The main lesson I think has been that will power and determination simply aren't enough. Some have likened addiction to a learning cycle that's got out of control. The brain has learned how to get a dopamine reward from pmo and is determined to get more. So we have to learn new ways to trick it into behaving in more positive ways. So my experience is that change needs a strategy and a game plan not just white knuckles and trying harder.

However, good luck on the journey and hope you find whatever you need to help you.

 

One day at a time!