...nearly 20 years after starting s-recovery i'm a middle-aged dog running out of tricks. i'm mostly hooked on the belief that because i'm a single gay dude, i have zero accountability plus it's a mostly forgone conclusion of the lifestyle. that's my rationale. it just has big drawbacks in terms of how it's affected every aspect of my life - when i know i'm a few (maybe 12?) steps away from experiencing some peace and well-being. i get the no cash and prizes part and that's not what keeps me tryna quit this. it's the hope of something simpler. maybe even better. bigtime props to all you guys (and gals) with 90 days and up! you inspire me!
I'm not following your encoded message. What do you mean? Slow down and tell your story. I'm interested in hearing it.
hey man! thanks for your reply and apologies for not being clear. "foregone conclusion of the lifestlye," in my case means PMO, glory holes and cruising adult bookstores. i discovered porn at age 12. my dad owned a book and card shop with a big magazine section that included several gay porn mags - guys doing stuff i'd fantasized about since i was 6 years old. as soon as i was old enough to go to an adult bookstore, i was there! and to my utter amazement, guys doing things i'd fantasized about since i was 6 years old, and seen in still photographs of since age 12, now doing it all (and more) in LIVE ACTION!!!! this opened up whole new vistas to me starting with anonymous sex in public places, syphillis and herpes. cruising bookstores and anonymous sex in public places continued til the internet explosion and access to free porn 24,7,365! at about age 35 i got my first HIV test and i was so terrified waiting for the results that i accepted the counseling option at the free testing clinic. that led me to my first SCA meeting and i've been going to meetings on and off ever since. so far, i've stayed negative and i play safe. but i've never put together more than 30 days of total abstinence. does that answer your question? Tell me about you. best, Rugged Iconoclast
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/working-toward-healthy-sex-life.100695/ I basically might have had your life, but for the fact that I was almost completely nonfunctional when anyone else was involved. It wasn't because I didn't fantasize about it. I just knew that it wouldn't work. P was the simple answer. So, I'm in an excellent place, since I only found this forum near the end of a very long journey, and my particular troubles are different from a lot others' I've come to know in the last few weeks. What sort of support would you like from being here?
Welcome, and good luck! We're all here to support one another. When you say you hope for something simpler and better, what are you envisaging?
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Brother, I read your story and was taken with the humanity of it. Thank you again for being the first to welcome me to this community. i just got here. i'm not sure what kind of support i need. so let me think about it and i'll get back to you.
i envisage less obsessive thinking and the drama and chaos that leak outta me like that green fog in "The 10 commandments." there's a thin veil between me and people who want to love me so i can't give or receive it fully and simply. i haven't had sex in a bed in a very long time and it's been over 5 years since i had an orgasm with someone i was intimate with. i've only been able to get hard and experience orgasm on multiple occasions with 2 men in my life. the first was my first boyfriend (age 20) - i couldn't get enough. i could have had sex with him at the drop of a hat. that never happened with another man again. it would feel like a simple miracle to know what that feels like again.
today was ok. work has been slow so too much time on my hands. got a very obsessed in an interaction with someone i'm working with on a fundraising committee who didn't want to do what i'd asked her. it all worked out by the end of the day but it took way too much head space in the meantime and made me super angry. otherwise i had a nice lunch with a friend and a quiet evening at home. i don't feel like i need PMO. my pattern is PMO once or twice a week for about an hour a pop and at least one afternoon or evening a week cruising adult bookstores.
We have some things in common then, indeed. The only "normal" experiences have been random, sort of "magic" moments, when thing came together inexplicably, and the last one of those was well over ten years ago. But I am fortunateto have someone who loves me in spite of that history. Nevertheless, I still have yet to experience regular, reliable function with anyone at all. So the suggestion would be to keep from the usual paths for a while, and see what starts to happen. You're definitely notmin it by yourself.
One of the biggest things that was stopping me from committing to nofap was that i underestimated the effects of a decade plus of pmo , fetishes , etc, now i see that its as real as it gets, I wish there were commercials on tv (truth) like for cigarettes.
