Hello, I am Squeaky Soul, I am 16 years old, and recently life has been getting me down... A few things have been bugging me recently... I need to get them off my chest so I can sleep tonight... I have rebooted, but with all these things going on I am not very excited about it. I will list them from least to greatest on a scale of how much they're affecting me: 1. I am an Eagle Scout candidate 2. Just got elected to the highest position in my Boy Scout Troop 3. My father Let me start with number 1... First of all, Boy Scouts are viewed as a joke nowadays, but listen to this Eagle Scout candidate... They're not! At least I am not... I have my Wilderness Survival, rifle shooting, shotgun shooting, Hiking (Requirement: Complete 70 miles of hiking... 5 ten mile hikes, 1 twenty mile hike. I have over 200 miles in my 5 years of Scouting), and many other hardcore merit badges... Well, now that I have stated myself as a tough young buck, lets move on about how this is stressing me out The Eagle Scout project (if done correctly) is designed to put the candidate in a very stressful environment and have him lead his scouts accordingly... Working on all the paperwork is very frustrating. It's sooooooo much!!! Writing everyday... I have dedicated 2.5 hours a day all last week, and I am not even finished with all the writing part of it. This isn't what's really the heart of the problem. Number 2... I just got elected to Senior Patrol Leader. I am in charge of about 35 Scouts and Scoutmasters. I am usually writing up paperwork for the troop, sending email to committee members and scoutmaster, taking headcounts of scouts and scoutmasters attending events and outings, leading meetings, calling patrol leaders, calling scoutmasters, and planning events... that usually has me busy all week long. Like the last one, this is still not the heart of the problem. Number 3, my Father... HE IS the heart of the problem. He keeps fighting me about how MY eagle project should be done... MY EAGLE PROJECT! He is an opposition the the mission. He's getting in the way. He is my father, but I don't view him as a role model, or someone who I want to be like. I want to be the complete opposite... He's lazy, always away from his family, rude, mean to my mom, etc. Let me break it down... He's lazy and distant from us because whenever he gets home from work he barricades himself in the T.V. room, and only comes out for food. It's the same on the weekends. He doesn't lift a finger, or even make a tiny effort to spend time with his family. He never has. I have almost no memories of me spending time with him. It's not like he was or is always working! He has the chances to talk to us, spend time with us, or plan stuff with us, but he never does. Never. He's rude and mean. He often yells at my mom when she asks him to change his ways. He has always done this, this is no stranger to us. A few years ago he hit my mom and made her cry. The times I have asked him to change, he always tells me, "I owe you an apology. The way I have been acting isn't fair to you. Don't feel like you're caught in the middle. I just want to let you know that I am really trying to change for the better." It's obvious that he is not though. He is a nice guy for 2 days after apologizing, then he goes back to normal... Don't get me wrong... I am very grateful for his work. With the job he has, he has provided my brother, my mother, and myself with a home to live in, clothes, food, all the essentials, and more... I am grateful for him, but it upsets me how he has forgotten about the family he's providing for. I am very stressed out and depressed at the moment, so don't get mad at me. I need all the support I can get from you guys. Sorry if I sounded rude or mean... I have told no lies. All I say here is true. ~Squeaky Soul
Hey man, what I see from your post is that you are an astoundingly motivated young man. I don't understand any of that Scout stuff but it seems to fulfill you and you seem to enjoy it. Don't let paperwork and such demotivate you. Don't let anyone or anything discourage you. There is a night, you just have to see it through. Concerning your father: Don't get entrapped in a guilty conscience. You are right, be grateful that he provides for you and your family. But also keep in mind that this is exactly what a father is supposed to do, not some extraordinary accomplishment that makes him immune to all criticism. What I'm trying to convey is: Accept your father how he is, display thankfulness and respect. But don't feel obliged to look up to him as a role model. Or worse, try to pressure him into behaving like a role model. Do your thing, become the man you want to be. He is most certainly a human being just like you, not some kind of demigod. Part of growing up is to grow out of 'worshipping' your parents. I was in a very similar situation like you when I was a little bit younger and still am: On the one side, I genuinely loved my father and was thankful that he provided for me. On the other side, I felt this pressure (due to my religious upbringing) to look up to him, to see him as a role model. Because my father is also just a human being, though, with his own problems and flaws, he never quite matched the mental image I subconsciously wanted him to match: This perfect, caring, overly confident, attentive, 'alpha' man to look up to. So I became more and more frustrated and, in my urge to idolize him, actually distanced myself from him more and more. See, in the real world there are no 'alphas' or 'betas', there is no black and white, good and evil, role model and loser. There are only human beings with fifty thousand shades of grey in every respect. Your father is one of them. In my eyes, acknowledging the imperfectness of your father and accepting him as the person he is only enables you to actually love and respect him, while choosing a way of life that is different from his.
thanks for the advice Granada. I am feeling a lot better. Does anyone else have any input. ~Squeaky Soul
Great job on the 137 days! I have never been in a situation like yours but I have been in stressful situations with sports and school (I just graduated high school), so I can give you some advice on that. My advice to you is to have what the motivational speaker Tony Robbins calls your hour of power every day. There is a video on YouTube of him describing it in much detail but here is a very simplified version of it. So for one hour each day fill the time up with things that make you feel good. That can include but definitely not limited to: meditation, prayer, incantations, reading an inspirational book, listening to music that makes you feel good, journaling, time spent in gratitude, visualizing, yoga, stretching, etc. That is my advice. I try to do mine in the morning before I have any distractions the day may have to offer and it is an awesome way to start the day. Live strong. Peace and God Bless!
I will honestly say out of all of those it seems to be your dad. Granted congratz on boy scouts I was never into it but I have a level of respect for it. So my guess is once you become 18 and get a job and find another friend who wants to move out you probably will. I was never in that situation I'm afraid but have know people who were. There isn't a whole lot you can do we are pattern people unless we really want to change (like quit pmo) its hard for me to say he will I agree that all you can do is accept him and I'm impressed that you've been able to see that he's helped you out. That he isn't bad. Maybe he hates his job and vents in the TV room because he feels it would be better than if he vented on you. I do feel for you it sounds rough. I hate to say to just do everything you can and accept him but that might be the best. Maybe he is trying to change just not at a rate you want him to. I guess what I'm saying is give him a chance and don't put pressure just focus on you. The first 2 things are hard and stressful but those things you can fix. Your dad its truly up to him he has to be more motivated than anything. There may be a day when suddenly everything about him changes or overtime. But don't expect or wait for it. Just do everything you can for you. Hope this helps it sounds rough. But look at what you've achieved day 137 its not half bad.
I am not sure what is wrong with my dad... He used to work solo repairing ATM machines at a bank. He quit that job and started working in construction repairing cell phone towers... ever see those fake looking trees with antennas and wires hanging out? That's what he makes and fixes. Being construction, he is assigned a team to work with. It seems like my dad simply doesn't like people. He doesn't have any friends. Maybe when he changed jobs he turned bitter. he was forced to start working with the people that he didn't like. I truly don't regret anything that has happened in my life (including PMO). Everything happens for a reason, and all the bad and evil things that may happen to you are only going to build you up and make you stronger Fight on my fellow Warriors, ~Squeaky Soul
