Please let me know how bad I have it.

I have been masturbating 2-10+ times a day since I was 11. I'm now 32 and even though I'm married to a gorgeous women, I perf porn and masturbation over real sex. It’s like the move Don Juan, that movie is so true.

I grew up with hi-speed internet and porn. In fact I kept myself self-satisfied till I was 25 and finally lost my virginity. I was a normal looking dude with an athletic build but zero desire to hook up with real women or even have a girlfriend.

When I was maybe 20 I was burned out of what I consider regular porn (Cum fetishes, women ejaculating and pissing their underwear, just loved watching women doing dirty things). I had a job for a short time in the webcam porn industry where I had the entire database at my finger tips. That's how I discovered a truly painful addiction, transsexual (transwoman) porn. I became and still am obsessed with seeing a gorgeous women with an erection. I really just liked seeing transexuals being penetrated while playing with their genitals and I loved watching men perform oral on them too. It was the idea that I could see her excitement level and watch her visibly cum, I knew that was un-fakeable. This concept turned me on and drove me to distrust women believing they were all fakers.

This played bad tricks on my mind, I started ingesting my semen, looking up escorts because I knew they were "real" people and I would masturbate to their ads. I would go through small periods of trying to preform auto fellatio and got really close but gave up. I store(d) hundreds of gifs so I could masturbate in public bathrooms when my cell connection was bad. In fact I masturbate 2-3 times a day at work and that’s after I masturbate in the morning in my guest bathroom. If my wife goes and showers, I go to the other bathroom and masturbate. Sometimes I’m even as bold as to masturbate when she in the other room and can walk in at any minute. As I write this i'm on a business trip currently and when I get time back to the hotel I masturbate up to a dozen times in a nite.

I’ve tried to kick the harder porn by telling myself hentia and futa are ok, but I end up relapsing to the harder stuff. Lately I’ve rediscovered my old "normal" porn but that doesn't slow me down, it made it worse because I have more material. My latest things has been erotic literature and choose your own adventure erotic literature. I even write stores and then masturbate while I proof read them.

The other day, I would edge for 30-40 mins till orgasm, get up take a five minute shower to force myself to pee (reset) and go back to edging. I did that cycle for six hours straight and only stopped for a snack or water. I barely ejaculate anymore, which hurts one of my fetishes.

I have 20+ years of damage and the habit pattern of masturbating. I want to enjoy real sex and make my wife happy. I also need to quit public masturbation.

Please tell me this is a common story.

 

Thanks, I really just want to get over my transwoman fetish. I feel porn and masturbating will cause me to chase back to my unrealistic fantasies. I'm going to do a 15 day reboot to start. If I can abstain then I will let my wife and I get back to business. From then on I only want my wife to bring me to orgasm, I can't touch myself at all even when we are together.

 

Wow didn't realize I had some many responses.

Here is my goals quit the amount of excessive masturbation so I have a stronger drive to make love to my wife. After fives day I have zero drive to lose the Tgirl attraction, 24/7 I'm fascinated and turned on by the though of tgirls and never ashamed. Does this mean its a genuine attraction? Guess Ill find out.

 

I have 33 more days till I see my wife, shes going to want have sex, she will be crushed if I reject her. Ill continue after that with 90 days of PM.

 

Naw all is good, I am resilient.Hell I could fap 5 times and when my wife comes home ill give it to her if she wants it. The problem is at the point I'm sexual satisfied.

 

Day 6 isn't so bad. I must remember I'm doing this for my wife and no so much myself.