New Insights on this addiction

I just relapsed twice today, and your post almost perfectly describes what I was experiencing; I had the power and will to resist the urge, but instead, I CHOSE to do it. I gave into the dopamine addiction using the excuse, "It was too much to resist!" But deep down inside, both you and I know the truth. You're right; the hardest part will be saying no to the easy fix. The will and strength to change are there, waiting to be employed. Now I just have to convince myself that I want to change my habits....

Thanks for the post, man. Stay strong

 

I have felt that too. Thought that I could have said no and walked away but I wanted to. Don't let your brain trick you. Your complicated addicted brain is making you think this, trust me its the addiction not you. Just keep trying and you'll some day be free.

 

This is exactly what I have been trying to describe in some of my other posts. It is the ability of your subconscious to manipulate you in this way to feed the addiction that is the hardest part of the reboot. I was on the verge of "choosing to" last night, resetting my counter wouldnt bother me and I would justify why it wasnt a problem to make that choice. But its a lie, you aren't in control, and this is the very thing you need to take control of

 

ur post made me get the urge to fap too. i am leaking pre cum too. but i wont fap. yes i wont.. and ya its going down..
... just think one thing... if u complete the challenge ... then ur life will be good.

 

I, too, am familiar with the 12 step solution. 8 years without any substances. Eventually, after writing some inventory I noticed where I went from mood altering substances to mood altering behaviors to self medicate the same shit I used drugs/alcohol to cover up. Many use PMO to manage our lives. It's just that, another management tool my ego uses to control shit. There is some biological and scientific info that explains what is taking place inside that causes "urges", but no matter how much information we have to explain and understand it, bottom line for me is I abused PMO because it was a source of pleasure that helped me avoid self and God. Good luck brother!!! I am on day 32 and continuing to try n grow. Tough business.

 

Good luck!

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OSU, I had no idea you struggled with substance abuse. Congratulations for overcoming that

 

I'm glad to see you are trying to learn from a relapse.

Don't complicate this thing. I'm assuming you would rather not masturbate than give in to the urge and fap, then feel worthless and weak in mind and body after the fact.

"I wanted to believe that I was powerless over this desire but truthfully I felt that if I had chose to not pmo that the needed desire and strength were available."

Did you want to believe that you were powerless? Or did your demons? Alot of people look at this from a neurological perspective which is great. And many people don't believe in demons, internal (of the mind) or external (in the form of temptations or more grotesque forms imperceptible to ordinary human eyes).

It's time to crush your demons my friend. Don't get angry at the gremlins, just get resolute and firm with them. Wisdom will come in time, it takes alot of self discipline to find true wisdom, but eventually it will manifest. And find your willpower for the love of the universe!

CRUSH THEM, with love:



If a desire arises within you, Tantra doesn't say to fight it. That is futile. No one can fight a desire. It is foolish also, because whenever you start fighting with something within you, you are fighting with yourself, you will become schizophrenic, your personality will be split. And all these so-called religions have helped humanity to by and by become schizophrenic. Everybody is split, everybody is divided and fighting with himself because so-called religions have told you, "This is bad. Don't do this." If the desire comes, what to do? You go on fighting with the desire. Tantra says don't fight the desire. But that doesn't mean that you become a victim of it. That doesn't mean that you indulge in it.

Tantra gives you a very subtle technique. When desire arises, be alert just at the beginning with your entirety. Look at it with your entirety. Become the look. Don't leave the looker behind. Bring your total consciousness to this arising desire. This is a very subtle method, but wonderful. Miraculous are its effects.

With the entire being the look is so fiery that the seed is burned, with no struggle, with no conflict, with no antagonism. Just a deep look with the entire being and the arriving desire disappears completely. And when a desire disappears without a fight, it leaves you so powerful, with such immense energy, with such tremendous awareness, you cannot imagine it.

-Osho

 

Our brain is a complicated structure. It is perfectly possible that one part of our brain can be set on one idea and the other on exactly opposite. We should avoid such situations though, not only in relation to PMO but in general - because brain has powerful tools to affect our mind, our mood and our actions.

To prevent this we need to be prepare ourselves for urges before they come. There's a great video on this:
http://youtu.be/z8-I5sVYjwY?t=57s



With correct preparation and training we can make our brain to obey our will. *This* is where the real test begins... because we might not actually want to quit PMO even though we can.

The only way to deal with this is to compare what we are now to what we can be once we quit PMO for good. Right now we are selfish because we have a tool for instant self-gratification. When we quit PMO we won't have that tool. We will have to earn gratification from others (God, wife, family, friends, anyone) by doing hard work every single day of our lives, till the day we die.

So the real question is: are we ready to get uncomfortable to do something good in our life, to become closer to others? Or we want to stay alone in our comfort zone and never achieve anything in life, fail it?


Keep trying mate, the only way to achieve something great is to never give up.

 

Hiroki, I totally agree with you. In fact, I've been doing this a long while ago without any knowledge that it was written down in the Tantra. I am a digger of truth myself, and I never settle with something that could be better. This was something I found to be among the top truths of the world.

 

100% Agreed