two people in one person :/

Hi, I feel exactly the same too!
This actually tells you that the person you are when you have the urges are just wanting a temporary pleasure (which only lasts a couple of minutes) but never considered the very long and depressing outcome.
So ask yourself, which one do you prefer? Pain that leads to pleasure, or pleasure that leads to pain?

Last, I would suggests finding accountability partner(s). Going through this together will be a bit lighter than trying to walk this road alone.

 

Try to remember that "After a storm, comes a calm"

 

If you want to make a serious commitment, you need to get serious about closing off access to the outlets where porn is available to you. When you view porn, where are you doing it? Your main computer? Your phone? Both?

 

You are truly many people in one person
https://www.amazon.com/Parts-Work-I...Z3Q_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498374266&sr=1-1

 

The two personality phenomenon is actually a real thing. But, you must choose on which side you are, because if you won't, well it will basically continue in the same manner it was going till this day.

 

I a trick to make serious commitment...

 

Op, I feel this way all the time.

I think it's best to remember the felling of sadness that comes after you cum

 

I think many of us feels like you... I'm fighting that urge right now, and your mind is everything.
Stop thinking about what you're not doing (opening P, doing M) and start thinking about your life plans, look outside your window, delete any porn-related thing you have (if you can't find the strength to do it, then do it just after a relapse: put on some very motivational song and DO IT, delete any pic, any bookmark, anything).

Start your journey with us, I've started just yesterday and I'm scared to death, but it won't last forever.
We are better than that! Anyone!!

 

I feel you bro. What helps me a lot is when I feel triggered I think of me watching p and then how depressed and literally drained I used to be after that. Link the action of watching p to depression and all the bad feelings you have during that and you won't do it again. Do you wanna feel depressed and a failure? NO, so don't ever go there

4 months PMO free I feel reborn. You start enjoying even a stroll in the park, few happy moments. Keep going Get busy with healthy activities, go out with friends, work out. Also if you fancy you can dowload R Tribe its a free app where I put my thoughts everyday before going to sleep

 

We all can relate this.

 

This is kinda like Dissociative identity disorder.

While I highly doubt you have that, similar steps for treating said disorder can be used for your recovery.
Many people when going through a traumatic experiences, self inflicted or otherwise, create an different "identity" (not a real thing, but to think that way allows displacement of guilt and is very common, it allows your brain to avoid accepting its bad side and the responsibility that comes with it) to deal with the experience. To clarify, to truly have this disorder you would have to have a lapse in memory amoungst other things. So in no way am I suggesting you have it. However, you are now defining yourself as two people almost. You've recognized there is a darkness inside of you that needs to be fed for you to feel stable. This is unhealthy and will most likely result in further turmoil.

I suggest you to look at it like this to start a healthier recovery,

Think about yourself,
you have a responsible side, lets call this the adult. This side of you is striving for recovery
And you have a "dark" side, we will call this side the child.
There is something very important you must recognize about the child, It is not inherently evil. It is not working against you. In fact, the opposite is true, the adult is ignoring or abusing the child to try and get rid of it. The adult is the problem in this relationship.
Realistically, your child wants to feel good, and it will not think about anything other than how to feel good as soon as it possibly can (like porn). Your adult feels so disgusted to be associated with the child, it will make you feel horrible and ashamed that it even exists.

Try to have your adult take care of the child, ask it "why do you need porn? you know it always takes us down a dark road." The child is probably so neglected it will manipulate and throw fits like children do. It is about learning how to have your adult take care of and nurture the child to stability.

This kind of self talk will manipulate your brain into working with itself nicely and peacefully. This is one of many therapy techniques that people use to help themselves.

In other words, this is an abstract way to learn to be at peace with your dark side, you will never get rid of it, you need to take care of it and in turn, it will not rule you. Yin and Yang must exist together. The stories of the true hero who never felt evil are not real. You are a person, you have a dark side, overcome it, and I along with most will accept the child and adult in you.

Do not beat yourself about it. It will contribute to your negative cycle.

It really depends on how much leg work you want to do to recover. If you were interested in some more coping mechanisms, I suggest the book "amongst ourselves" by Tracy Alderman. This is specifically for Dissociative identity disorder, so take some sides of it with a grain of salt, but there are many things that may be helpful to you.

 

@Mr_Stealth , pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm glad to hear you have started on your NoFap journey. Congratulations and keep up the good work. You are wanting to make a serious commitment, which is also laudable. What separates those who say they want to make that commitment and those who actually do it, and go on to live a porn free life is a plan. More specifically a strong porn recovery plan. You need one. And you also need a "why statement" IMO those are the 2 essential elements of beggining the journey toward long term abstinence.
Questions?