A new start - NoFap journal 2017

Hello,
if you've read my previous entries, you would know that I was on the NoFap 90 day challenge in which I lasted 55-56 days. Since then I've had a hard time starting back again. Each time I would start, my streak would end in 3-4 days for N number of factors for which I take full responsibility. I can give a lot of reasons for starting the NoFap journey again but my main reason would be to prove that I am capable of fighting against my addiction and becoming a stronger person. In this 90 day challenge, I'm not going to - watch porn, masturbate, sext. However, it's not a traditional hard mode; if I get the chance to have sex, I will and that I will not consider that as breaking my streak.

I will also be brutally honest about my journey and my challenges especially the ones I consider are related to NoFap. Don't worry, I will give trigger warnings before triggers with bold letters.

I wish everyone else the best with this journey, I have lasted 56 days before and I still remember the benefits of it. I am ready to start once more.

Jeff (NOT MY REAL NAME)

 

Reasons for starting NoFap once again

1. I know the benefits it gave me that time and I want all those back. I have written a 30 day report on it which you can read on my page. (I'll tag it here tomorrow)

2. My hair are thinning severely and I'm just 18.
(I was on accutane last year and a known side effect of it is persistent hair loss and thinning meaning even after stopping the medicine, you experience the side effects. So technically the main culprit is accutane, but I have to take all the measures I can take against hairloss which means including NoFap in my arsenal which is really good for the hair health *call it bro science idgaf*)

3. Procrastination and self improvement.
(I've been fighting a battle with laziness since my streak ended, now I'm not saying NoFap is the cure to procrastination because it is not. However the mindset and discipline NoFap teaches you/gives you, can be applied to a lot of the problems in life and I'm going to use this on procrastination.)

4. Homosexual thoughts.
*Trigger warning on*
Now Note - I AM 100% STRAIGHT
(So on 6-7 occasions I have watched and fapped to gay porn, trans porn and also fantasized about being in that act while I was aroused. All of this is really strange because I've never had these thoughts and don't you dare say it's latent homosexuality because I know it's not. I'm not attracted to guys one bit. I'm not Bi-curious and all that. I'm not a homophobe either *people can do whatever they want, no judgements from my side* but the fact that I've fapped to all this gives me anxiety. Also I've only fapped to this after fapping 2-3 times in a day. I've come to realize, the more I fap, the more I want to see extreme stuff to get that same high just like a drug addict (I don't and would never watch anything illegal or harmful to people or animals)
I have read about this on NoFap, and I truly believe, it's the overuse of all the dopamine, that my mind wants taboo stuff to get that same feeling. Also idk if this has any part but I'm still recovering from a heartbreak so I've kept little resentment towards women which is stupid af and I know time and moving on will change that for me.)

5. Erection problems and loss of libido
(I've been having weak erections which don't feel like my size and the lack of great orgasms, I still haven't gone 2-3 days without fapping since my streak ended but I can definitely feel there's a lack of that fiery libido in me. Again, I'm blaming my PMO addiction and heartbreak for this, both I will conquer.)

*Trigger off*

Feel free to ask any questions you have, just don't comment stuff like "it's okay to be bi, there's nothing wrong with it" because I know that shit, my issue is something else, but I'm still sure I'm very straight so don't give me a moral argument.

Anyway, feels good to unload all this baggage. Day 1 starting tomorrow, can't wait. Also a new.thread on my triggers tomorrow!

Stay classy, fapstronaughts.
Jeff (NOT MY REAL NAME)

 

good luck and thank you!

 

Day 1

Well one thing is going good in my life and that is that I'm busy from 10 in the morning till 9 in the night so it really gives me any time to think about sexual things so yeah my day was pretty sexually dry today. However, come night and I did sense my hand going in my pants every 10-15 minutes, no edging but just slipping in and then removing my hand. I'm going to be writing a thread on my triggers in a while, and I'm definitely including this; touching. Touching is completely off limits. I also follow a lot of good looking bikini models on Instagram so it's probably a horrible idea to check Instagram at night so yeah I won't do that either.

I would wanna talk about my day too but it feels too soon to dwelve into all that as of now.

Stay frosty,
Jeff (NOT MY REAL NAME)

 

thanks! good luck to you!

 

Day 3

Same old, same old..
Another busy day with no time for temptations. You know what's weird? I remember the first 7 days being super tough but this time it's going like a breeze which messes with my head a little.

Anyway, one thing that's really nice is that I'm saving so much time by not PMOing, I must be spending at least 1-1.5 hours per day before, now I get to save all that time for something else.

Feeling random,
Jeff (NOT MY REAL NAME)

 

Day 4

Useless day today because I did NOTHING. Procrastination was my best friend today. And you know what procrastination loves? Excuses to touch the penis and that's what was happening today except it wasn't as intense as edging. I'm surprised I'm not going crazy by now, this just goes on to prove that I really did lose some of my libido and that I really need NoFap in my life, and I'm glad to have it in my life.

This couldn't be a flatline though right? Idk you guys tell me in the comments.

I'm gonna go sleep,
Jeff (NOT MY REAL NAME)

 

Milestone #1

10 DAYS!

I am so happy! This mark of 10 days gives me confidence to keep going, it makes me feel that I'm stronger than I think I am. Yes, in the past I have reached 56 days and that was precisely what was making me feel bad. Why? Because I started thinking how was I so strong then? What has happened to me? But this 10 days mark is making me feel strong in the present which is the most important thing. It feels so good to not feel like a slave to my addictions.

Well in these 10 days, I experienced some mood swings like utter hopelessness but that was because of a song (which I'm not gonna name because I don't want to remember it) to some realization and finally, feeling of happiness I feel so good. Infact right now itself I feel so happy!

As some of you might have read in my previous entries, I started NoFap for the first time after my break up and it really helped me that time to feel better for which I'm so thankful. But despite that, a part of me still wasn't fully on board with her not being mine. Or well let's just say that I really wanted her to suffer for hurting me so much which of course is resentment, this is something which transcended to women in general, I started resenting women in some way, feeling they're snakes and just want some drama and once that's over, they leave. I also became an anti-feminist (which did teach me some important things) but I realized soon that I became one more out of hate than logic. It was just so easy to hate on them, I sat on my computer all day, reading posts on Reddit by people who themselves did nothing but sit on a computer and bitch about women and make memes on that to feel like they achieved something, and then they wonder why no girl is interested in them. It's just so easy to hate and accept all the hate against someone else when you see so many spreading it. But thankfully, I'm out of that space of hatred, I don't know if it's time or something but ever since I've started NoFap again, I feel.so positive in life, so positive that recently I wrote a letter to my ex (which I ofcourse didn't send because I don't want to remind her of something which she might have moved on from) in which I from the bottom of my heart sent her my best wishes, thanking her for the great memories. I was able to imagine her being sexually active with other men and I just felt "you go enjoy, girl! have fun!" as I will try to too. It was purely out of acceptance and blessing. I ended the letter by saying I love you, this was not an I love you of longing or admiration but of thank you for the special memories. I really wish that girl the best for the first time in my life so I've stopped resenting women too! I'm no more an anti-feminist, yeah I'm not a feminist either but let's just say that I wish them the best and hope the good that they might be fighting for, they achieve.

I also got a job recently, and am onto start my own business (which I won't reveal) and all this happened in these 10 days. I also realized something which changes my future plans and I feel so glad to have realized it. I've started having more dreams, I dream every night!! And these are dreams that I remember into the day too sometimes.
I have also started talking to this new girl, she's no Emmy Rossum but I'd like to get to know her and see where it goes from there.

Overall I know, 10 days seem too less to make any significant difference, but to me it has been great and given me confidence to go on for the NoFap challenge.

So this was sort of my 10 day report, I have decided to stick to this format of uploading every 10 days rather than my previous one of updating everyday because it's so much easier on me in terms of time, and I also get to say so much more.

So here's to another 10 days till I see you again, Fapstronaughts.

Best wishes,
Jeff (NOT MY REAL NAME)

 

MILESTONE #2

20 DAYS!
(well technically 24 but whatever)

So, I've avoided M & O for 24 whole days, but I did see pornographic pictures on some days, however, for me personally that is not considered a relapse, it's part of the process. I've also edged (not to those pictures) in general which I know is a big NO-NO in this community but well I have a reason for doing so, which is - previously I've had phimosis (tight foreskin) which I cured by stretching. Now the last time I did the 90 days challenge, after relapsing, I noticed that my penis had become tight again, not that much but let's just say, it took me 2 weeks to make it how it used to be. I don't want the same experience this time, so I stretch my penis every 4th or 5th day which you can call edging in theory but in practical aspects, it's just stretching.

Now, I don't know if it's a flatline but I've sort of been in the dumps. Feeling pretty lonely and low since some days. However, in between there was this one day where I went on a date (with the same girl I asked out) and while the date was sorta horrible haha, I remember, that day, this whole new energy came in me, even though it was for a few hours, but I just felt so alive. My cousin had come over that night, and he's pretty street-style high energy fellow, always making impromptu plans. So this time he made a plan to just go drink tea at like 11 in the night, the usual me feels kinda insecure in front of him because of his energy and I would normally just reject that idea (I also have this problem of frequent urination which sort of gives me anxiety of not being able to find a bathroom so normally I shun these plans) but that night, I just went for it and I had so much energy, in fact I was making all my brothers laugh which is normal but usually the joke is on me, however that night, the joke was on anything but me, so yeah I felt amazing.

Anyway, if I had to term NoFap as a slogan, I would say - getting shit done is what it should be called. There are so many things I have been putting off since months even though I know it's bad for me, however after starting NoFap, I'm getting all of that done. I joined the gum back after 3 months, started working on my hairloss issue, my job thing is happening too, and I've sorta figured some stuff out which changes my life's trajectory, there's so much more but yeah I'm really to be getting shit done.

I've been lonely honestly, and I don't think flatline is the cause, it's just that I've not been meeting people that much. During school, it was so easy to just be social, but now that school is over, you really have to work to be social, and that's what I've not been doing, but now, I'm changing that, I'm joining clubs, even thinking of learning a language! I really think that all this well help me feel alive once more, I've always been an ambivert but I am more extraverted than introverted so let's hope for the best!

Another thing, yes I've been having some crazy thoughts and cravings for women in general, however, I haven't yet noticed any girl giving me more attention or just getting attracted to me (yeah could be because I've not been getting out that much?) but yeah the attraction thing hasn't happened till now unlike last time. Also, yes I'm super attracted to girls, but sometimes and this is rarely, I do get the homosexual thoughts which I was telling you about before. These thoughts, really centre around a penis, the moment I see the guys face, I feel really weird. I can totally see how porn has conditioned me to fetishize (is that a word?) penis, however again these thoughts are very rare and I'm pretty sure that I'm straight just to get it out there.

So yeah 20 (24 actually) days have been kinda turbulent in terms of my emotions but atleast I'm getting stuff done! I hope I feel better the next time I write to you.

I really do believe in NoFap,
Jeff (NOT MY REAL NAME)