Im losing myself

Hey I know the feeling. You're pain is horrid, you feel drained, like a robot. You feel like you aren't yourself. I know that yearning for innocence for purity too. I used to make people laugh a lot, then with PMO I became socially awkward. Don't give up hope though! I was on a 60+ day streak and I had it all back! I could look people in the eyes dead on, I could make a room full of people cry with laughter.

First, don't beat yourself up about relapsing. You did something wrong, yes, but you acknowledged it. If you aren't a Christian, let me tell you something. You and I both have a mountain of sin and guilt, but Jesus paid the penalty for those who believe Him. He took the punishment that I deserved. I'm free now! If I sin, I can say, "I'm sorry God, thank you for paying for this, help me to not sin anymore." Jesus said, "Come to me, everyone who is weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."! If you trust Him and believe this, God will save you!

Second, there are practical things to do. If you want to gain self discipline, don't try to change a whole ton of things at once. Pick one thing. Just ONE little thing to do, every day. For me it is turning the shower water cold for a minute at the end of a shower. Once that becomes a habit, you add another one, and another, until you become self disciplined. The key is to not try to do too much at once. Also, get in a habit of writing a daily journal on this website. It doesn't have to be long, it can just be a sentence. If you feel like helping others, hop on the site and give others a word of encouragement.

Don't beat yourself up about the past. Think about how awesome you can be in the present! Tonight, sleep with the knowledge that God is ready to save you, and turn to Him. I pray you have a restful sleep.

You are weak and you recognize that. That's good. God loves to use weakness to show His power.

I'm praying for you.