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I reset my counter today

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by gonna-fix-this, Aug 13, 2017.

  1. Aug 13, 2017 #1
    gonna-fix-this

    gonna-fix-this Fapstronaut

    18
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    Following on from my previous Journey (read that first before you judge me), I've been whoring on V for 3 days. My conclusion on this is multiplex:
    1/ I can get away with pretending I'm 'normal' and if the situation demanded, could pretend I 'came' if I was wearing a condom.. but that's my issue; only by my own hand
    2/ I thought I came close through virginal sex but lost my way before I could
    3/ My head is f**ked and I need to go longer with no PMO before I dip into this world again. My issue is sensitivity, and I can't imagine that will improve, although I read so much positive stuff from other people all the time.
    4/ This one is a massive head-fcuk, and is certainly not going to get any better by visiting escorts.. i've always felt i'm assaulting a woman by fcuking her.. that sounds odd but i've always thought she is enduring it for me and it's a trail for her. You can take the piss if you want, but this is a low-self-esteem issue i recognise and can't get my head around; again, using escorts.. not helping this.

    Determined to go a good few days now back on the program: no PMO (or escorts), run, run,run,lift,lift,lift,mountain stomp x3 etc.
     
    gonna-fix-this, Aug 13, 2017
    gonna-fix-this, Aug 13, 2017
    #1
  2. Aug 14, 2017 #2
    ZZ_maakt_blij

    ZZ_maakt_blij Guest

    "It's a trail for her" or a trial? You are definitely gonna-fix-this as you are working hard at self-discovery. Good luck in your journey. :)
     
    ZZ_maakt_blij, Aug 14, 2017
    ZZ_maakt_blij, Aug 14, 2017
    #2
    gonna-fix-this likes this.
  3. Aug 14, 2017 #3
    SunsetRider

    SunsetRider Fapstronaut

    10
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    Prostitute / paid erotic services addiction is certainly a tough beast to beat. Do all you can to quit it. Longer you stay clean easier it is to remain that way. That's basically the difference to sheer P addiction. Porn is so easily accessible. Going to escorts needs resources; time, money and effort. If you can keep clean for several months, you gain distance for the whole thing and find that relapsing would be too disastrous. Having a good relationship helps. I even recommend immediate MO if you feel sudden loss of self-discipline and are about to contact escorts. Don't ever go to escort service internet sites, those are high trigger.

    Along with this, I've managed to stay away from buying sex for long time now just by visualizing the abuse I am doing to another human being and to myself as well.

    No matter how the escorts claim that "I am enjoying sex as well" or "I can quit anytime", notice those are just the same as the lies and thoughts of ours. The girls don't notice the self-damage in the beginning. Their need is monetary with "easy" money, ours lies with illness in our sexuality.
     
    SunsetRider, Aug 14, 2017
    SunsetRider, Aug 14, 2017
    #3
    gonna-fix-this and ZZ_maakt_blij like this.

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