I do love you so very very very much, you are the most important person in the world to me and I could never fully express my appreciation or my love for you. I know I'm a mess, I know I don't have the emotional, mental, spiritual, or physical strength to do the most small tasks that are my responsibility in this family, you pick up the slack for me WAY TO OFTEN. You are having to tolerate and put up with WAY TO MUCH and I'm so sorry. I know that there are so many ways I could be better and not be a disappoint to you. I know you can see I'm hurting, I know you are aware something is wrong, it's something I millions of couples go through, I just have no idea how to talk to you about it, how to start the conversation. I was trained at a young age that my feelings don't matter, it's always been very difficult for me to stand up for myself and be strong enough to say something is hurting me, because I was trained to just take it, keep quiet, forget it, and move on. But God has been pushing me, I know he wants better for us, I know our marriage is capable of being the example for so many others to look up to and follow, and our loving relationship can and should be a blessing for others. I know our love is a gift from God and he wants so much better for us. I can't take this pain anymore, I can easily see us becoming a loveless cold avoiding each other couple and loosing myself completely. I don't want that for us, we are better than that. This issue is causing me so much pain and the self doubt is constantly consuming me and keeping me in darkness. Please help me, I have no idea how to start this conversation, but I love you so much I can't keep going just letting this eat at me, it is hurting you, hurting me, hurting us, hurting our marriage and family...help me please my precious husband. I love you and I want our love to last to each of our last breaths. Please please please tell me you want that too. I love you.
In my opinion you are erasing any of his actions by degrading yourself. Have you tried looking up intervention letters (google has a list of tons) for inspiration? I feel like he's going to excuse himself from the behavior just by your self-depreciating here alone! I think you should be stand up for yourself. I feel like you need to tell him why it hurts, and not let him focus on your wrong doings. Example of intervention letter (it can be tailored to fit our situation. Rehab isn't really a thing for PA): Begin the letter with a heartfelt statement that is full of the love and concern that one truly feels. Communicate gratitude to the person. For instance, if the loved one is a parent, share a memory about when they did something loving, like going to a school play. Think about including a statement that reflects your understanding that substance abuse is a disease. By putting the issue into a medical context, the loved one may feel less guilty. This individual likely feels powerless in the face of the addiction, which is not a moral failing, though the person may feel this way at times. Addiction can make a great person do not such great things. But you can convey that you know the difference between who the person is and how addiction may compel them to behave. Include statements of fact about the loved one’s behavior when on drugs. It’s a good idea to provide more than one specific example. Remind the person of your positive feelings and concern. Then, state that the group is offering them treatment at a rehab center. Ask the loved one to accept the offer of treatment.
If you need references on the physical and mental effects of PMO, check out http://www.yourbrainonporn.com. There is great resources and insight there. Keep coming back and participating in the forums, let us know how it went, it's soothing and let's you talk about this in an environment that is safe.
Did I read correctly? You plan on sending this as a text? Maybe it's my age, but I don't think the meaning of what you are trying to say can be relayed in a text message. I agree with @SOSo that it needs to be a letter along the lines she suggested & read to him personally. IMO a text message carries room for interpretation of emotion, no matter how many emojis you use. I work in customer relations. I see co-workers and clients texting all day long. Looking at texts is like a PA ogling - scan for the pertinent parts and move on to the next. Since everyone is different, it may be that the points you are trying to get across to him may not be what he even picks up on. If you want to do a text as an ice breaker, I totally get that. Confrontation can be intimidating. I would suggest keeping short and simple. One you've written your letter and are ready to present it to him then text him. "We need to talk. Love you." (Insert punctuation and emoji of choice) Sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. Best wishes to you!
Yeah don't text this, and don't have this talk if you've been consistently having talks you need to wait otherwise.
I think the concerns raised are all quite important ones to consider. They are very situational, I think, and only you know all the details of you and your SO's current situation. In my own sitiatuon, I would weep with joy to receive this text/email. But, from what I've read, my situation is atypical. The caution others have recommended, against glossing over his responsibilities and taking too much guilt upon yourself, is a healthy criticism and valid concern. It depends on his healing right now. If he's still looking for moral high ground, or tools for manipulation, it's dangerous. If he's genuinely past that stuff, I think your instinct to accept your share of the work and acknowledge your weaknesses/shortcomings in the marriage (not necessarily things you must fix but more your needs deriving from your human imperfection) is good. I think it would help him see that, overall, you're not trying to be right, or to win: that you are and want to be on the same side. Like I said, though, the worries raised by others are valid and you should look at them and yourself and your husband very carefully and thoroughly, to know if this is the right moment to be vulnerable with him in this way. Edit: the correct you're. I promise I'm literate.
