here i go again

well i havent been on here for a while and see alot of new faces. I've been battling myself since i last relapsed which was 3 or so months ago. have been PMO'ing ever since. I refused to come back to this site until about 5 minutes ago, mainly because of the shame. I went 84 days..yes not even the full 90 day mark. I was so upset with myself that i did not want to come back on this site. Now i am back and im having mixed thoughts of starting again. But i know, i have to do it for myself. I have to atleast reach the 90 day mark. i've been PMO'ing for 3 months, at least once a day and maybe a few days of NO PMO, 3 or 4 at most( not intentional). the 1st month was great, PMO'ing felt like it did when i was growing up. but the last 2 months were horrible..no feeling after O'ing. Thats the most horrible feeling ever and i feel like its my body telling me that im abusing it and it must and will stop. Now i feel that's it's just a deed i do everyday just because. I dont want that anymore. I would wake up with no energy, mad racing thoughts and sometimes depression. I would feel like that all day, throughout the day at work. Sucks and im tired of it. When i was going through my reboot, i felt great. I honestly remember how good i felt. i remember how strong my mind was compared to now. I want that back. So here i am now..I start again brothers n sisters. wish me luck and i wish you luck on your journey too.

 

hey tola, thanks for the encouragement! You can beat your goal of 45 man. yeah i remember days from 50-65ish, i was pretty much flatlined. from then till i relapsed i was kinda on level energy mode..balanced i guess u could say is how i felt.

 

day 1, about to go to sleep:9:18pm. didnt think about PMO all day. work was busy. urges are not strong right now. have work early so i gotta get to bed