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Its in the name semen retention. Anything less = failure. I also believe you can control where dreams lead. At the very least i can. Although your "full consciousness" if you will, isnt really all there so i understand why people say wet dreams dont count.
Vivid dreams are akin to that imagined techonology of an HD realized world in VR. The first few minutes you would be "aware" but given enough time you're sucked into it and enter an almost coma like state. Dreams are like this where u just follow along with it. But I notice there are some areas where i can "control" where it leads. The brain is very strange.
I drift in an out of that coma like state and the "somewhat conscious state" and its hard to really take hold if you've let yourself be sucked into the dream the past two hours or however long. I am going to try and take hold though. I hope this has made sense.
I dont blame myself for letting the dream start because that obviously happens when we're truly asleep, but dreaming isn't a full loss of consciousness and therefore will imo.
So i guess tl'dr true sleep is where loss of semen is not your fault (but even then u could say u didn't lessen the chance of ur penis being stimulated by soft fabric or u chose a not so wise sleeping position that makes one prone to cum.
But dreams again, you aren't fully "asleep". You can wake up. And people do that all the time. Otherwise waking up from a nightmare wouldn't be a thing.
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