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Hello Fapstronauts!

My Name is David. I recently joined this site during one of my emergency almost relapses. I used the tools this site provided and decided not to end my streak. I should start by saying my NoFap journey began a week ago today. I am really on day seven of the reboot process. But I am new to this site and decided to join because this is something I can no longer do on my own. I didn't know there was a support group out there for this sort of thing and I'm really glad I stumbled on such a sight. (considering premium if I continue to use this site as one of my tools for success)

I was able to overcome my urge for PMO by listing the reasons why I started this journey in the first place and continuing to tell myself that these withdrawal symptoms are only a temporary thing. So BIG WIN for me! *Pats self on the back*

This reboot is critical for me. First time I have ever made an effort to achieve such a thing. I honestly previously thought why would any guy deny himself the pleasure of masturbation and porn. It's not hurting anything right?

WRONG!

To give a little background about my self. I am 5 years into a very loving relationship with my partner Ryan. He means the world to me and is one of my main reasons for doing this. Another main reason for doing this is my personal health and well being. Recently we have not been having "relations" and I have even been having a certain degree of ED when he was trying everything possible he could think of during our special time. The straw that finally broke the camels back was a week and one day ago I turned down physical relations, waited until he fell asleep, only to edge myself for 2 hours while viewing some hardcore pornography on the computer. After I finished I felt ashamed, depressed, and embarrassed at what I had just done. The next day I researched the topic heavily and (self) diagnosed myself with some level of porn addiction.

Porn viewing habits for me where on a daily basis. I have a job with minimal to no supervision so I was even viewing the stuff at work. Averaged 2 hours a day (if not more) viewing it online. I wouldn't always masturbate to porn. I would view it and remain extremely aroused for what seemed like hours then move on to something else. Don't get me wrong most of the time I wanted to masturbate but didn't always have the ability to act on that but I could still view it on my monitors. I thought porn was a community that accepted me and I had even started a tumblr blog sharing all the images and gifs that "did it" for me.

This led me down the path to addiction and not putting everything into my relationship with the man I love that I should be. Since making the decision to not PMO and reboot my brain. I have been having major withdraw symptoms. I have jitters, mood swings, anxious constantly, and every now and then I will get sick to my stomach and want to vomit. My partner has been supportive and I have been honest with him about this problem. But he can't empathize as his PMO habits (his describe below as my definition of moderate) are entirely different from mine used to be before starting this journey.

This now leads me to a discussion that I want to start and probably will on a separate thread.

Once reboot complete (set my goal for 90 days) I wonder is it safe to return to a low moderate level of PMO? To clarify what I mean by this is: PMO no more than 1-2 a month and for no longer than an hour MAX total between the 1-2 sessions. Or is this a path to relapse? I am a firm believer that everything in moderation is key to maintaining a healthy balance. But given my recent past I don't know if that is something I will be strong enough for. I guess time will tell.

I think I will continue to use this site as one of my tools for success. Rome wasn't built in a day. Or as Dory from finding Nemo would say "Just keep swimming"

Sorry about the long post and maybe not being the correct forum for such a thing but this was my first ever post and initial thoughts.

Thank you at least to nofap.com for getting me through an emergency and saving me from relapse and starting over.

 

@jdub / since writing that post and some time passing I tend to agree with what you are saying. Is there healthy moderate amount of heroin? No there is not. I had just equated P to that substance earlier today in discussion about this issue with my partner. I believe that to be a rationalization I was attempting while recently experiencing withdrawal. I don't believe a healthy sexual lifestyle includes any amount P. Thank you for your thoughts and the words of support. I will triumph over my addiction and come out on top. These withdrawal symptoms are only temporary and become less of an issue with every passing day.

You keep up the good work as well.