No, this is the covenant I will grant the people of Israel, the Lord says, when that time comes. I will implant my law in their innermost thoughts, engrave it in their hearts; I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Jeremiah 31:33 I know that feeling: you feel lost and depressed, you have tried thousands of times, and you think you will never be just one. You are 2 people: you are the virtuous man, but also the one who watches pn. You are the man who loves beauty, and righteousness, and everything that is good, but you are also that man that runs away from pain to the world of pn. A world full of misery, and suffering, but a world that accepts you as you are, it doesn't demand anything of you. You can go on being that jerk, selfish, proud man, and that world will always accept you, but it will never fulfill the longing of your heart, that unceasing cry day and night for better days. Days full of light, and mercy, and Life. Life! True life! Not that misery you call life! What is life like? Do you want me to tell you? Life is an adventure. An adventure like those with dragons and heroes you were told when you were a child. What does that mean? Life is unexpected. Yes, that's right. It will bring some good things, other things you won't like, and times will come when your anxiety will make everything look cloudy, you will think that no future lies ahead. Will it ever look better? No. If you continue with this, your future will not improve by a miracle. You need to believe in God. I'm not talking about saying 'Yeah, God exists, I believe in him', I'm talking about trusting yourself entirely, with your whole being to him. You need to trust him as if your life depended on it, because it does. You may feel uneasy, with fear, worried by many things, but when you go through this turnmoil of anguish don't go to the world of porn to run away from it. Face it, face your problems with the help of God's grace and his mercy. He is truly merciful, and his love knows no boundaries, put your heart in him with your whole being, for until you do this, you will return to pn. I think Chesterton once said "Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless", that is your way to stop running away from real life, with its pains and hardships. Life is not about you. You need to break from that self absorption that consumes your soul. Stop worrying about what others think of you, worry only about what God thinks of you. You need to submit to the will of God in your life. How do you do that? Pray. Everyday. At least 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the afternoon/night. Pray the rosary.The Blessed Virgin Mary will ask God for the graces you need to defeat this evil. Confess regularly. This will heal you, and God's mercy will be poured into your heart. Receive the most blessed sacrament. Do you feel like you lost your peace? It's because you are not willing to submit to God's will. Do you dream of a different life, not that which you are experiencing right now? Stop occupying your mind on something different than the present. The present if the gift of God to you, each moment is precious. Learn to live in the present and you will have more peace, you will be able to rest in him. Run from the occasions of lust. If you truly want to defeat, you need to stop going to those places where you have fell down in the past. You arrive a Friday to your house, then it's late in the night, and after you go to bed you start to watch pn. Sounds familiar? You need to think how to get away from occasions like this if you want to break free. Install a filter on your devices, or change the password every Friday, and give it to a friend of yours, or change the password and write it on a piece of paper you leave at your office, or at your locker, or whatever place you cannot reach in a moment of temptation. If you don't figure out a way of running away from the dangerous occasions where you have sinned before, you will do it again, and again. You are an addict, so you may not be that strong to resist temptation on the spot, but you can and must figure a way to escape from dangerous times and places where you could find temptation or you will not be free never. I have more to say, and I will with the help of a God, but I have said many things in this entry that I would like you to think, and act on. It is possible by the grace of God to break from this addiction, little by little, trusting God in everything, and cooperating with his grace. May God and the Blessed Virgin Mary guide your way.