Hello everyone, it is not easy to write this down now, but it needs to be done. I am using pornography since I am 13, thus for 16 years now (I am 29). I realized that I am addicted in my early to mid 20s and tried to get control of this habit back then, but somehow arranged myself. I got along quite okay in life and was too comfortable to really fight the addiction. From time to time I tried again, but eventually always came back to PMO. A month ago my girlfriend of 4,5 years broke up with me and after the attempt of easing my pain with drugs and PMO, I put myself together a little. Now I am doing an inventory of my life and I am reflecting and thinking a lot. I try to implement new habits, like meditation and journaling. I also tried to abolish bad habits, like using too much social media and PMO. 2 weeks ago I started nofap and accomplished a streak of 7 days. Since a couple of days I am struggling again. In my life I was able to stop smoking cigarettes, stop smoking weed regularly, don’t drink alcohol for 9 months and not eat sugar for more than a year. The longest nofap streak I could accomplish was around 27 days. From all the addictive substances and habits I had, PMO is the hardest to get rid of. For many years I have run from my inner demons. I have hidden under the cover that the numbing effect of PMO provides. I am in for a ride through hell I guess. I learned to cope with strong and unpleasant emotions through PMO and nofap feels like being thrown into the cold water without knowing how to swim. It is a very bitter pill to swallow, when you haven’t lived your life to your full potential and I can already taste a little bitterness in my mouth. PMO took too much from me. It had a strong impact on my romantic and sexual experiences and also affected my partners and past relationships. My drive, ambition and energy was kept low. It made me be stuck in my development. I don’t want to be in this place anymore, I want to move on and be better. I will do this for myself, but also for my future wife who deserves the version of myself that is capable of giving her all my love end energy, instead of losing it all to pixels. So, I tried to handle my addiction, again, alone by myself and I felt down, again. But I also got up again and now I am here with you and will fight by your side. PS: English is not my mother tongue, so please excuse the mistakes I might have made.
Glad you got up to fight again, and glad you showed up here. You are right, we can’t do this alone so glad you have come to the site for help and support. And your message was very articulate; no need to worry about English not being your native tongue!
