Hi everyone, I went through puberty right around when the internet was exploding with growth. Of course, that's when the addiction started. I must have been 11 or 12. I didn't realize it at the time, but that habit started to chip away the foundations of my success in life. It effected my sleep, my health, relationships with friends and family, and my success in just about every area of life. The NoFap journey started when I read a blog post by Tim Ferriss. He talked about the power of doing a 30 Day fast from PMOing and Alcohol. Alcohol isn't a problem for me personally, but PMOing has been a secret habit that I've worked bring under control unsuccessfully for several years now. So I secretly decided to join him on his challenge, not telling anyone else. When I did that my life changed so dramatically that I knew I couldn't go back my old habits. Life became vivid and brilliant. Everything burned with a fire that paled in comparison to looking at a computer screen. Even if I fell back into those habits, I would always remember the light at the end of the tunnel. But that breath of fresh air, didn't last. After the 30 days I went right back to my old ways, but with more shame and more guilt. Life was once more dull and lifeless. Eventually I began to ignore those feelings, but they never really went away. Recently however, one of my best friends died unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident. I always thought I'd be the one to die before him, not the other way around. The saddest part is, looking back I can see all the ways this addiction kept me from spending time with him. The disconnection, the secrecy, the shame, the guilt. They all kept me from being a good friend. I truly regret that. I can't go back in time and make different choices. But I know I can change for the people who are still here. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for the people I've hurt through this addiction. I feel like I've wasted years of my life doing something so completely worthless. And that's why I want to make this change. I want to reboot my connection with humanity. I want a connection that is trusting, empowering, and aligned, and I feel like the best way to do that is through a reboot. So, here I am. Today is Day 1 of 90 for my reboot. I'm doing this for the friend I'll never see again and the people who are still here. I've always admired how he could connect with anyone. He was real with everyone he met. He had the courage to be vulnerable. I want to be like that. Rebooting is the first step on the path of becoming a person he would be proud of. I hope I can help you all with becoming someone you can be proud of too. Thanks for reading, I hope my journey can be of some value to yours.
I am proud of you already simply for being here and expressing such emotional honesty. You have my support and that of many here. This is what it's all about. You said some really awesome and beautiful things about your friend. He would be proud of you. Time is a critical element that we cannot retrieve. I have wasted much of it in front of a screen...I have dealt with the anxieties and the depression, all of it. Enough is enough. I wish you well, my friend. Stand strong! I
Thank you, I can't tell you how much that means. It's good to know there's such a positive community here to take this journey with.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. What a lot of people don't realize is that this is a deadly addiction. I almost took my life 3 years ago because I was so depressed from PMO for many years. I rode my motorcycle to the point of being recklessly suicidal, not saying this is what happened with your friend, that was just my mindset, and I crashed it going 100 mph and lived by some miracle. Since then, it feels like God gave me a second chance at life. Just remember, you're not a bad person, what you did was a result of the unmanageability of this affliction. You have an inspirational story, and you can get your life back to how it was after 30 days. Just keep trudging forward my friend. Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with.
