33yr old doctor rebooting his life

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Dr Clarity, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. Dr Clarity

    Dr Clarity New Fapstronaut

    Hi all

    Like many of you, I am posting here to give back to all of you that post and whose posts have helped me in the past. I am also posting for accountability.

    My story:

    I am a 33 year old doctor in the UK. I got divorced about 14 month ago and I have been recovering since. To sum up my 20's, I was not doing terribly badly, but I was distinctly average. I drank to much on the weekends, I let myself get out of shape and I put up with a bad relationship because I was in love. The quickest way to explain my failed marriage is I white knighted a damaged woman whilst also exhibiting lots of beta behaviors. The biggest of these being not driving my life forward and focusing on my mission.

    Since being single again I have slowly rebuilt. I have been lifting for a year and feel much better about my health. I have a better grasp of myself as a whole. I have quit watching films or TV alone and I have started up several social hobbies to fill my free evenings with. I have had several milestones in my career over the past year, which I have smashed.

    I realised after my divorce that I was sliding into the average, crappy life that you see all around you. I didn't want that. I wanted to be someone I was proud of. I knew there were a few things I didn't like about my habits:

    1) My health
    2) smoking
    3) booze
    4) PMO/my sexual assertiveness

    As mentioned my health has improved dramatically. I am eating much better and hitting the gym hard.

    I used to be a social smoker in my 20's. This I quit, but I ended up vaping instead. I quit this totally about 3 months ago.

    I drink much less than I used to. I recognise that drinking alcohol to excess doesn't let me live the life I want to live. This is something I may quit entirely in the future also. Before I attempt this I want to talk about.......PMO

    Now that I am single, dating and having sex with new partners, I have had the chance to look at my relationship with PMO in broad daylight. I recognise now that it is an escape, just like any drug. It is too easy just to be lazy on a Sat and spend all day jerking it. Being slightly older, I didn't have access to the type of porn that is available to young men today. Porn has however been part of my life since I was 16. I have had multiple girlfriends over the years and I never really thought porn was a problem. However, I defiantly relate to several of the symptoms of porn addiction that I have read about. I have difficulty achieving orgasm without fantasizing during sex and the type of porn I watch has also graduated in taboo/severity over the years. When not abstaining, I have also had the feeling of, "I can't be bothered to go on a date tonight/go over to my gfs house, I could just jack off".

    Regarding my sexual assertiveness, sleeping with a new partner is great, but if I am watching a lot of porn, the imputes to pursue new women is dampened because you don't value sex that much. I do not want to look back and regret all those shots I didn't take. It is also easier to put up with mediocre sex if you live your sexual fantasies out online, rather than seek out those experiences IRL.

    I have managed 14 days pron free (about a week ago) before relapsing. I am going for 90 days (to start) porn free and no/limited masturbation (once a week max). I hope not to use this but if I do not have a partner for a particular week, I would rather get to 90 porn free than just fall off the wagon.


    So in short, I am on a self improvement gig and I have recognised porn for the life drainer it is. I want to have control over my time and urges and have better sex with the women I am intimate with.

    I have experienced intense pain over the last year and a half. I have now realised that this pain is a gift. It is fuel I can use to push through the bars of the prison I made myself. No man is made without walking through the killing fields of adversity.

    Thanks for reading!
  2. Thank you for sharing!! Inspiring indeed.

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