A Brief Introduction

I'm tired of the person that I've become. I've been depressed, anxious, tired, and angry for many years. I quit alcohol, narcotics, smoking, caffeine, and other habits, trying to find the source of my misery. Porn and masturbation have been with me the longest, and it's the only addiction left in my life that I've yet to rid myself of. I've tried on a few occasions, but haven't had much success. Now I'm on this website, and although I've never attempted something like this before, I'm curious to see if it can help me. I'm not sure what else to do honestly...

• I'm 29 years old, been looking at porn since about 11, and masturbating since I was 15.
• I'm a Christian and I feel ashamed about living with this addiction. I struggle with my faith when I feel like God is unable to help me with these desires, and I'm disappointed in myself for not being as spiritually "strong" and dedicated as I could be
• I feel like I'm never truly comfortable around women. Regardless of whether or not I'm attracted to them. There's this strange disconnect that I can't overcome, and although it feels reduced at times, my relationships never get to a place where I want them to be. I haven't had a girlfriend since early high school, and I don't have any females in my life that I would consider an actual friend
• I'm currently living in South Korea as an English teacher. Partly because I have a degree in teaching, and partly because my fetish for Asian girls has dramatically increased within the last two years. I hardly masturbate to anything else anymore, except for softcore Asian porn.
• I'm an avid Tinder user, and I've gone out with about a dozen Korean girls this year. I'm trying to build up my confidence, and I feel less terrible about myself when I hang out with a female and make her laugh and show her a good time. I never sleep with any of these girls, and at most, I'll hug or kiss them

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If you guys have any questions, let me know. I'm trying to be pretty open about myself on here, and I admit, it wasn't easy to type out some of this information. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get right and I'm looking forward to getting involved in a supportive community.

Thanks.​

 

Nice to meet you Roady.
I've confessed and repented (or so I thought?) many times through out my life, and yet I can't seem to truly give this problem to God.
I want to be healed, but fighting this is honestly the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

 

Hi Ali.
It's always nice to meet a fellow socially awkward person, haha.
Thanks for the welcome, man. I appreciate the encouragement.

Aside from looking at porn, I'm not really sure.
I know that I go out with a lot of non-Christian girls. I should probably knock that off, huh?

I'm also not as involved in the church as I could be. I've been dragging my feet when it comes to cell groups and bible studies. My social anxiety can be pretty bad at times