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Hey guys,
I'd like to mention my succes story back to 2016, when I had my longest streak without PMO. It was 62 days.
It happened because I started a new carrier back then, and I needed ALL of my energy to focus to rebuild my carrier. I relapsed when I became a bit lazy and I was used to tgat work. So my message is that always look for new challenge in order to prevent relapse.
Anyway.
I guess this day has been a milestone. I haven't experienced it like this, before.
I have realized the pattern. I have a huge task of the day, I have huge fear that I'll fail and have anxiety and then I escape to my so-called healing remedy which takes all my pain away. Porn. Now I have broken this pattern.
Urges came before that big task, this big challange but at that point I said: "f.. you, go to the hell, I won't quit!" So the urges went away, I did what I had to did today and I PASSED that task which was kinda... test os my personality-stamina as well.
I had huge confidence today.
This evening my partner began to drink some alcohol. I didn't because for me, this month is a non-drinking-challenge month, too. (I haven't drunk for 20 days!!) So my love drank a lot and now he's sleeping.
Sometimes when we drank lately and I had urges and my boyfriend slept away and I couldn't sleep, at that state of mind I became weak and began my P.marathon ... You know, the inner voices said: "this is the last time" "he is sleeping" "you deserve it" "you're horny and he won't make love with you tonight". So relapse happened.
But not this time. I know that I love him and he can't deserve that virtual thing and it is worth to wait for him. He is my love and I don't need this virtual painkillers.
With these 2 thinks, I feel that I have taken a huge step to my "best version of myself". You know, I feel that now I'm in that another reality that I always imagined. I could have choosen that other reality where I failed and I watch porn in the night. But I didn't.
Today I have successfully strengthen that great future.
Butterfly effect happens!
I'd like to mention my succes story back to 2016, when I had my longest streak without PMO. It was 62 days.
It happened because I started a new carrier back then, and I needed ALL of my energy to focus to rebuild my carrier. I relapsed when I became a bit lazy and I was used to tgat work. So my message is that always look for new challenge in order to prevent relapse.
Anyway.
I guess this day has been a milestone. I haven't experienced it like this, before.
I have realized the pattern. I have a huge task of the day, I have huge fear that I'll fail and have anxiety and then I escape to my so-called healing remedy which takes all my pain away. Porn. Now I have broken this pattern.
Urges came before that big task, this big challange but at that point I said: "f.. you, go to the hell, I won't quit!" So the urges went away, I did what I had to did today and I PASSED that task which was kinda... test os my personality-stamina as well.
I had huge confidence today.
This evening my partner began to drink some alcohol. I didn't because for me, this month is a non-drinking-challenge month, too. (I haven't drunk for 20 days!!) So my love drank a lot and now he's sleeping.
Sometimes when we drank lately and I had urges and my boyfriend slept away and I couldn't sleep, at that state of mind I became weak and began my P.marathon ... You know, the inner voices said: "this is the last time" "he is sleeping" "you deserve it" "you're horny and he won't make love with you tonight". So relapse happened.
But not this time. I know that I love him and he can't deserve that virtual thing and it is worth to wait for him. He is my love and I don't need this virtual painkillers.
With these 2 thinks, I feel that I have taken a huge step to my "best version of myself". You know, I feel that now I'm in that another reality that I always imagined. I could have choosen that other reality where I failed and I watch porn in the night. But I didn't.
Today I have successfully strengthen that great future.
Butterfly effect happens!
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Sorry, I will read the intro description in all topics.