Addiction Recovery Daily Diary

Hello, I am posting this thread and will post to it daily as a daily diary to keep myself on track. Feel free to comment and join me on this journey!

SO here we are again. Failed time and time again. How long has it been? About 14 years now since you boarded this roller coaster? My, how the time has flown right before your eyes uncontrollably. Do you want to keep living like this? The simple answer is no. But, the more difficult question. What are you going to do about it? I can now mark Day 1 of not giving in. As long as I try as hard as I can. As long as I keep a level head. I will succeed. With discipline and hard work. I want this so bad its like I am drowning. Gasping for air every single day it goes on. I know there is more to life than feeling like this. I want that like a person drowning wants air. In fact, I need it or I will drown.

How many things have you missed out on? How many experiences have you coasted through because your mind was fogged and blocked by evil. That's what it is isn't it? Evil. The answer is too many experiences have been lost. Its time to open your eyes. To feel again.

Today marks Day 1. It went smooth. It was difficult to get out of bed since that's when the first time starts. Right when I wake up. But I did it. I got out of bed and started my day. I then resisted the entire day. I think posting every day will give me some solid motivation. I do have fun writing and honestly. If I am not being truthful with myself. Writing will not give me any sort of fulfillment. I am happy writing this today. I won the small battle of today. I do think it will get harder before it gets easier from what I have read. But I will be fighting.

Day 1 summary:
Difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. Some temptations throughout the day but nothing serious.

 

Good lord. Reading my words from 7 days ago honestly makes me mad.. That's absolutely ridiculous. Well I went that one day and basically that one day only. I have accomplished absolutely nothing in one weeks time. ONE WEEK of my life absolutely wasted. I can sit here and go on and on about how this ends so I am not going to. I have my else closed right now and I am just typing whatever comes to my head. Its basically this. I will DIE if I keep watching porn and being a fucking sloth. That's why they are 2 DEADLY sins because they certainly don't lead to a FULL life they leave you EMPTY as fk. Its so easy to just feel emotionless. Drained and seclude yourself after pmo. FKTHTSHT man. I am literally screaming it right now. I HOPE I INSPIRE MORE PEOPLE TO JUST WRITE THEIR THOUGHTS DOWN AND GET IT OUT. WHATEVER IT IS.

P.S. I have also been thinking about what we are all chasing. I started with one idea. That was money. That's what I am chasing right now. I think why.

FK some sht is going on right now I just have to post this but ROCK ON BROS BBL