Hi guys . My(24) bf(30) of three years is most likely addicted to masturbation. It started when we moved in together.. I found he had multiple dating sites active, was using chaturbate and watching and paying for porn.. we discussed loads of times and he only admits when I show him evidence and he go deny it.. At this stage he doesn't watch porn as he works 40 hrs a week, spend all our time together, and doesn't bring fine in shower. But he has a 15 minute shower every morning without fail and I think he must be masturbating because nothing has changed since he quit porn..we only have sex once a week and I deel he only does it out of duty. Otherwise he treats me like a house mate.. not much affection and doesn't act like he is sexually attracted to me whatsoever.. and this hasn't changed at all since stopping porn which is why I think he is masturbating.. it had hurt me so much and given me so much anxiety that I literally had a mental break down and cut myself... But then I stopped. We have a baby together and our lives are very mesged together which is why it's hard to leave.. he won't tell me how he feels at all only that he said because of the porn he was watching he had no urges towards me anymore... But I bet it would come back if he stoopst wanking. I have threatened to leave so many times and expressed my feelings yet I don't know how he couldn't put two and two together.... When it means breaking our family apart... Any advice.. I'm sick of having to be the one to try fix this situation.. and embarrass myself doing it eg.. ' how many times a week do you wank'?. He's also into some weird TV stuff which makes me think he is gay..yet he had told me many times hr is just into different things and I know he is always looking at girls etc.. but still at the back of my mind I am thinking how much time am I wasting if he's gay?? Should I have expected any change in sex drive from stopping porn? Please help, I can't talk to him because he just won't talk about it
I'm sorry you're going through this....it sounds like he make be addicted to more than just M (based on the dating sites you found). How do you know he hasn't watched P (internet blockers set up, etc)? Addicts will always find a way unless they are actively working recovery. He's gaslighting you & objectifying you. Stop having sex w/ him. I hope you seek therapy so you never have to feel that sad again. Trauma is very real & you are experiencing it. You can heal, I promise ❤ Girl. You are 24, not married, & have a baby. You are not tied to this man in any way. If he's unwilling to recognize his problem, that gives you no grounds to "fix" anything. This will lead to years of misery, for you AND your child. Boundries need to be set. I would consider separating if he doesn't want help. You & your child (& him, believe it or not) deserve beautiful, happy lives. You take care of you (& baby). Maybe seperation will kick his ass into gear. Maybe not; but, if not, at least you'll have already removed yourself from the situation & started healing. If he refuses to talk, you leave or he leaves. If that can't happen, in-house separation. Read about betrayal trauma. You know him best, but there are red flags everywhere this isn't just an M addiction. Stay safe (mind & body)! I hope for your child, he comes to his senses. Remember, you can't make him understand; he's got to want to change. Best of luck
