Advice for the New Year [180+ days]

Hi all! I joined this forum on August of 2015. It's been more than 5 years since I've been here and this community helped me tremendously in my quest to break this addiction!

To speak a bit about my past, it would suffice to say that I was addicted to this crap since I was 16. I joined this forum when I was 21 and in that time I was addicted to lot of sick stuffs, aspects which are extreme and appalling. I'm now 26 and I can say with confidence that redemption and healing is possible. The fetishes and crap that taunted me in the past has no hold on me anymore. This is not to say that I'm absolutely in control, but by a significant scale, I am.

To the concerned reader who are wondering if redemption is possible, I can say from my experience that it is possible. You too can redeem yourself. You can break the shackles of this addiction and cultivate a healthy sexuality. It took me almost 6 years of effort but in the end I'm grateful that I made it so far. So be patient with yourself and keep fighting.

There are a lot of advice you can find here. And they all are very helpful.

However I would like to share one thing that I consider very important and which is seldom given due attention.

INTERNALIZE AND REALIZE THE SIMPLE FACT THE EVEN A MILLISECOND WORTH OF TIME YOU SPEND ON CRAP IS ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY WORTHLESS.

LET THE ABSOLUTE WORTHLESSNESS OF SPENDING EVEN A MILLISECOND WORTH OF TIME ON CRAP PERMEATE DEEP INTO YOUR PSYCHE.

Internalize this truth.

THE REAL PROBLEM YOU RELAPSE IS BECAUSE YOU GIVE VALUE TO THE CRAP!!!!!!!!! THE MOMENT YOU PERCEIVE THE ABSOLUTE WORTHLESSNESS OF EVEN SPENDING A MILLISECIND WORTH OF TIME ON CRAP, THE URGES DROP BY ITSELF.

If you give value to crap, then you will have temptations and you have to indulge to again be reminded about the bitterness of relapse. In my knowledge, no person ever have felt really blissful after rendezvous with crap. We all know where relapse is going to lead us to, all we have to do is to ACT on that knowledge. And this ACTION can easily be done once you PERCIEVE with absolute clarity the utter worthlessness of spending even a milliseconds worth of time in crap.

Another IMPORTANT advice I'd like to give to those struggling is to not lose heart when you relapse. Because even if you relapse, if you are able to reduce the rate of relapses, then you are still on the road to recovery. So instead of feeling depressed and reveling in negativity and disappointment, take into account the bigger picture, and get back on the saddle. If we take my journey for example,

In 2015, the total no. of times I PMOed = 700 approximately

In 2016, the total no. of times I PMOed = 40

In 2020, the total no. of times I PMOed = 4

Had I been measuring my progress solely on the basis of the number of days I stayed clean, I would be still hurting myself thinking that I'm running around in circles and that I'm back to square zero which is not entirely true!

The thing is give only necessary importance to numbers, take care to measure your progress by the frequency of relapses per month, or per year. The objective must be to reduce to frequency until we keep getting 0 relapses.

I hope these insights help you in your journey as well. Keep healing!

Here is to your redemption!

Here is to your family! Here is to a soulful and most fulfilling intimacy with your lovemate! Enough of this objectification! A deep and soulful lovemaking can give you a deep sense of wellbeing than what the objectification model promises! And here is to a harmonious and blissful communion with yourself!

Let's begin this year with a strengthened mindset and may we all heal!

 

Congrats on making it past 90 days man!

Yes I did have several episodes of flatlines but it was not much of a bother for me. Are you absolutely sure that there were zero libido during the last 74 days? I haven't had such experience where I experienced zero libido that long.

But in all cases, please don't take that as an excuse to go back to PMO.

Personally, even in days of flatline, I feel libido after workouts. What have been your observations?

 

From what I know, there is no reason to be worried.

Our objective is to kick out this addiction once and for all. To annihilate this crap habit. As long as you are succeeding in it, you are definitely on the road to recovery.

Rebooting as a process has nothing to do with sexual intimacy. Whether you have sex or not, your brain is rewiring so long as you stay away from PMO. Physical intimacy with someone doesn't necessarily speed up your recovery. Your recovery is dependent only on one prime factor- which is staying away from crap.

Rewiring will definitely happen. You will start finding real people interesting and you can have a healthy sexual life in time to come if you keep healing like you are doing now. Be patient with yourself. Make sure you are eating healthy foods. Dark chocolate ( 90% cocoa), Pumpkin seeds, Oysters, Dry fruits are some foods that are good for libido.

If you are able to stay more and more days free of crap, it is all the more good. Don't rush for physical intimacy for the sake of it. Take your time and chances.

MOOD SWINGS, PANIC ATTACKS, DULLNESS FOR NO REASON, UNREASONABLE NERVOUSNESS are all part of the healing process. Come what may, don't take refuge in crap!

To be honest I had more than 400 crap free days hardmode and still used to get panic attacks!

The thing is, Rebooting doesn't guarantee you happiness. You are going to have crap moods and low libido and sometimes very high libido, but you've to deal with it!

No crap, whatsoever man! Hope this helps! Keep healing!

 

Thank you for the kind wishes. Keep healing brother! You can win this!

 

To be frank, I'm not really sure how a "full recovery" really feels like. All I can say for sure is that my crap fetishes don't lure me anymore I do not consume crap anymore. With the change in mindset I mentioned, I do not have to fight with urges like I used to before. Because I KNOW WITH ABSOLUTE CLARITY that there is no value in crap.

I hope you also internalize this perception then you don't have to waste your energy debating over whether you must consume this crap or not because the truth that clearly stands out is that, there is no value in consuming crap.

Hope you kick out this addiction forever for good! Keep healing!

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Make sure to fail forward each time you relapse. The most effective thing would be to cultivate an attitude and mindset where you realize with absolute clarity, the absolute worthlessness of spending even a nanosecond worth's time consuming crap. Take care!

 

Yes. I was able to. No pills or anything. Her body, mind and energy were the source of my arousal. I stopped giving away that source to anyone else, no porn, no staring at women in sexy lingerie, or anything. No comparing her beauty with any celebrities. I don't even watch celebrity gossip crap.

So yeah. I understand what it means to connect with my woman beyond the level of objectification and the experience of physical intimacy has been enriching and fulfilling so far.

My current streak is strict monk mode though