Am I wasting my time (and money) dating?

How are you meeting your women and what does a typical date run you?

 

I guess you just need to be upfront about your true intentions with yourself first. If you're just looking for sex many of the dating apps can allow you to change your status appropriately to "Short-Term Dating, Hookup"... OKCupid is pretty good for that. If you're in a club on a Friday / Saturday night you can rest assured the single women have thought about the possibility of meeting someone "That Night". They may not act on it but I will argue with anyone for days they thought about it the moment they selected their underwear before walking out of the house.

Trying to just hook up with a mutual friend connection could probably end badly for you depending on the social circles you keep, treat one girl badly others are bound to hear about it and taint your pool of prospects.

Really it comes down to what you want, I don't get the vibe you are a hookup person and would rather have something meaningful.

 

Oh there is probably something to be said about how you handle your actual "Date" too. I'd be interested in knowing how you interact with the lady in question that evening and possibly if you're not coming at her in a sexual manner. Women do need to feel you desire her on a date, light touching on the arms, neck, small of her back, holding her hand at dinner etc.

You need to be sending some dopamine bombs her way letting her know sex with her is something you desire, it's human psychology. Women are sexual creatures as well, just more emotional.

 

Think about taking prospects out to lunch or coffee instead, it's a good cheap way to gauge interest/attraction. Also on the second date, you know she's been around seen/interacted with you enough to want more.

 

I'd really suggest dating multiple women simultaneously and the first date being something cheap like coffee then, you'll gain allot more mileage toward your goal and develop an abundance mindset.

 

Try switching it up next time, I usually give a hug and slight peck on the cheek at the start of the first date, nothing like sucking on her face but "kiss hello-ish" if that's a thing. I've yet to have anyone freak out on me because of it. Nobody shows up to these events to see if you're gonna be "real good friends".

 

This is an interesting post and I can relate to it somewhat, being a single man who enjoys 'playing the field' myself.

Firstly, you do NOT need to be spending much on dates. 40 bucks? Thats like £30 right? (Im British). What are you buying, dinners? Nothing wrong with just going for a couple casual drinks (especially on first dates).

I agree with Merovinian in that women are sexual beings and want to feel desired. Perhaps you need to express your intent a bit more. It looks like you are comfortable being physical with them but remember there is no rule about when you should kiss/have sex. There is no reason why you cant escalate on the first date. I always try and kiss on first dates. This also applies if you are looking for a relationship because that sexual attraction/spark still needs to be there.

Dating is NOT a lost cause because there is someone for everyone. Dont forget the abundance mentality. Even after 1000 rejections, you can still get the woman you want (trust me, Ive been there). Also, you should NOT tell women you are just looking for sex because that is not honest/congruent with your intentions. You probably dont need to discuss this anyway on first dates.

 

Hi I am female and I have dated the old school way, and then went through the advent of online dating, and I agree it is totally different. We are for sure in a hookup culture. I second what has been said, the first date particularly online should be nothing more than coffee. As an aside I always offered to pay coffee, dinner, etc. Do not spend 40.00 that is way too much, maybe by the third date, okay. If you are looking for just sex, use an app like tinder and be honest about it, put it in your tag line. Look we are in a day and age where women want to hook up and have sex just as much if not more than men, and we have no problem doing it. If that’s what you want, you will find it. But I am having a hard time reading what it is that you do want. The issue I had with online dating or dating in general was that I did not want to just hook up, I was looking for a relationship. I would meet men who would say they were looking for the same, but turns out they really only wanted sex. When I got a few to be honest with me, they said that the women who just wanted sex did not present a challenge and were a turn off so they went out with women who wanted relationships knowing they never did, now that is not cool.

 

I went through a lot of first dates (mostly from Tinder) with the intent on hooking up, but was also open to a potentially more long-term relationship if the chemistry is high with the girl. Those dates were mostly unsuccessful, rarely got a 2nd date, and rarely kissed or escalated to sex.
In my case, the problem is that I still have anxiety and now showing enough masculinity. And that's the main trait women are attracted to, IMO. Masculinity. Plus the fact that I'm really bad at showing sexual intent and creating attraction.

I view every date as a practice to better my Casanova skills, though.

 

I can realate bro after going on 11 month streak I want to actually start attempting to date for the first time without all the lust, anxiety and self hatred. However I don't want to hookup and have casual sex with women. Idk I was never that type of person I'm starting to realize after my reboot, because I wanted to emulate my friends were doing and all the brainwashing from pmo.Ive been on one successful date so far gave her a good night kiss and didn't go on another date again. However at the time looking back she made have been hinting wanting to do more maybe I was too naive or anxious to do anything about. But I really want to keep my morals and values I don't want them to lose them while dating just to settle from the fear of being alone

 

Haha I can relate but on my first date I at least went for the kiss and she didn't stop me but being honest with myself I guess there wasn't enough of a spark when I did it got her to want to go out again

 

You really never do no how a date is going to end up , You need to start touching on the first date grab her hand lead in into the restaurant or bar or wherever your at , then put your hand on her shoulder if your just standing there wating . You need to at least try to kiss her on the first date or its easy to get friend zoned. also a great one is to tease the women on the date accuses her of wanting you for your body not your mind tell her your not easy and never sleep with a women until date 643 you like to take it slow and get to know them so you don't get hurt , women love this shit when you talk like I wrote , remember dating is like fishing sometimes there really biting sometimes not have fun with it

 

I'm old school too, but I don't really care about having sex with every girl i go out with. It's more about having a connection, sex isn't my first objective. When I think about it, if I wanted to talk to girls for hookups, I can't. That's not me. I don't imagine myself telling a girl I want to only have sex with her. I think it's the same for you. If I tried to only hookup with girls, I feel like I'd be lying to myself.