Anybody been bullied here? Even Adult hood?

Thanks for sharing @Mr. Monk. It is quite unfortunate that our societies are full of millions of TCJs who are hell bent on making everyone else's life difficult just so that they can feel okay about themselves and I am really sorry you had to deal with such shit.

I think I was fortunate to not get seriously bullied at a physical level but I remember one incident back from when I was 10 years old and studying in a boarding school. Our class had just been divided into a 3rd section (basically split into 3 due to the large number of students) and I was shifted into this new section. I didn't have any friends there, plus I had neither the physique nor the courage to fight. One day we had our music class as the last class for that day. The teacher asked me sit down on chair and play this conga drum (a single headed drum) as the rest of the students were asked to stand and sing something. I was already worried about some of the bullies in that class and feared the consequences of being given this special privilege to sit down for the hour long class. They looked down on me with their threatening eyes but the teacher forced me to sit down and just play so I had to. As soon as the final bell rung and the space cleared out, this group of shitheads cornered me, started pushing me around, dumped glue all over my hair and then poured blue ink all over my clothes. I was of course crying helplessly. Not sure how I got away eventually, but I remember going straight to the principal's office in that condition and begging him to put me back in the old section of my class. Well he didn't care a damn and I think neither did my parents cuz I remember I ended up eventually befriending that same group of bullies. My self respect and pride had to give way for survival

My home was also a very depressing and choked sort of space as my father was kind of a bully with our family, at that time. Plus there were other substance addictions and psychological disorders running my family right from a very young age. All in all, I think these experiences sort of taught me that I was weak and unable to stand up for myself which really led to low self esteem, constant fears and lots of insecurities. Now that you mention it, even turning to P and M around that age might also have been partly triggered due to this need to feel good or just to find some pleasure I guess.

But, through the years I've managed to develop a more forward looking approach to life by claiming responsibility for the things that are under my control. While those years of memories exist in my mind, I have also admitted my absolute powerlessness to change anything that happened. At the same time, I can take total responsibility for how I craft my life today and try to perform actions that push me in the direction that I want to go in. Trying to do these actions one day at a time have made the steps small and achievable. I pray and hope that you are able to break through this trauma and live a life of recovery, one day at a time.

 

I am sorry you went through such a thing man, its horrible. These are the events that unfortunately stay with us for the rest of our lives and usually, if undealt with, they fuel our addictions, habits, impulsive and frivolous actions that lead us to more misery and loss of thyself.
I can understand wanting to take a swing at that mofo as anybody would want to after that dream.

My father was a bully, my aunts were bullies, my cousin and uncle were bullies. That family/sibling shit of being territorial of sharing our stuff, wailing on each other when boundaries are even slightly crossed or our egos are threatened even just by a hair.
Don't miss that one bit.

Bullying at school for me actually didn't happen in elementary as i feel, in my experience at least, kids don't get that hyper-competitive, ego, chest-thumping edge until puberty hits. Maybe its because i was great at sports, a fast runner, and i knew how to draw well and was a class clown, constantly making people laugh. That is probably what kept me from being a target, at least in elementary.
Well, jr high comes along and now the prospect of girls and sex are now a topic of discussion and competition. I didn't hit my growth spurt until i was 14-15, and was very very short before then. I was and still am a hypersensitive person who prefers to stay quiet and observe everyone and everything before i express myself freely. I listen before i talk, and i have never been the loud and arrogant type, not overly aggressive type do that people could give me validation. I never sought that out, i was always okay with myself.
This was 2007-2010, jr high.
In 2007, it still wasn't cool to be playing videogames or liking things like Mario, Donkey Kong, Superman until 2008 when Soulja boy admitted he played Xbox.
So when the other kids, bullying kids found out that i draw and i love drawing cartoon characters and videogames and martial artists, they gave me shit.
The jeers and insults meant nothing because id give right back, its when they would surround me and push me to the ground with all of their friends backing them up that when i would get quiet, knowing if i did take a swing, they'd jump in and jump me.
It's happened. I got jumped when i stood up for myself and i was so humiliated and afraid and incredibly angry.
I would get hit, beaten on just because i knew how to talk to girls and make them laugh and some other kid wouldnt know how, and he would come up and talk shit.
My jr high was known as a prison school.
To give you an idea, the year before i arrived, a kid held a classroom at gunpoint and kidnapped a classmate as he left.
Fights broke out everyday, and a couple of kids got stabbed even whilst i was there, let alone before.
I wasn't ever a gangster or drug dealer by any means and was never interested in becoming one, but i envied how easily they got girls, money, respect and were feared where no one fucked with them. In the 8th grade, i began emulating their style, and that all stopped when i got jumped for wearing the wrong colors. That stopped my posturing real quick, plus i hated myself. This wasn't me, so o stoped for that reason as well.

After i left, in HS, i went to a middle-upper class school where not a lot of violence happened. I got bullied through insults, but most of the kids there were cowards and were the timid little passive aggressive type. I hated them and found them pathetic. Once kids found out which jr high i came from, they feared me and the other kids and left us alone. They heard the stories.

Yeah man, i have more stories, one in particular that i will post later, but i have been targeted for not conforming, being rebellious and being seen as weak because i was quiet, plus i wasa weird kid. People don't like it when you're articulate about topics most wouldn't understand at that age like philosophy, spirituality and science and art so they would hound after me when i would get on them for being ignorant. I'll admit, i didnt always stand down, i gave them shit as well

 

Man I can't begin to imagine the full extent of the toll this takes on someone but, and I know this is a lot easier said than done, there's another way forward, that is not to address the traumatic events themselves but to transcend them through a spiritual process - since on this present day, the trauma actually exists only in the mind as a dreadful memory or feeling created by the actual event. Forgive me if I sound kind of out there but you mentioned being like a monk so maybe you can relate. In my experience, I've found that an authentic and genuine spiritual process can be an extremely potent tool to overcome the limitations in my life and feel an enduring sense of liberation. If I can look at the contents of my mind - my memories, imagination, experiences, thoughts etc. - as stuff that I've gathered over a period of time and loosen my identification with them, suddenly there is a whole lot of freedom about me. I do recommend exploring some spiritual process - Isha Yoga, Buddhism or any other you are able and willing to. Here's another perspective on bullying from a source that I've always relied on.

Wishing you all the best on your journey forward!