ashamed of same-sex encounter i had 4 years ago

i thought it would be euphoria level joy. it wasnt.

yeah same...

i go on walks everyday n tell myself:
move on
forgive yourself
let it go

i've seen similar videos on youtube...
but after 5 mins the regret returns.
i feel eew...

yeah i do live for today. like i've started jogging. today was day 6.
its really not that i'm not trying.

but i guess some regret will always be there, unless there's a time machine.

true. i've been unhappy since the past 4 years.

n its like the more i recover, the more i regret like what was i back then.

i was in therapy for 2 years that helped reduce the addiction by a lot. i dont have a strong streak but the porn addiction earlier was insane.

i so wish this hadnt happened.... and i realize everyone has regrets.

to answer my own question: i guess its not about letting go as much as about seizing the present.

also: on one end of the spectrum there's shame, regret, immense crying over past.
at the other end there is life with no regrets, no shame, vegeta-level pride.

maybe life lies somewhere in between.