PM is killing my marriage. It makes me cranky and critical. It makes my wife less attractive. It makes sex with her less interesting. It hurts my spirituality. It is something that I must hide to protect my job and reputation. It is something that hurts my concentration, my work ethic, and my self-image. I want freedom. I want to be able to be home alone without sweating it out till I flip open the iPad and search for something that will leave me feeling like a loser. I want to see my wife as the only sex object in my life. I want to be able to relate with females in my life without feeling shame. I want the things I have read about from other guys who have accomplished their goals: more energy, renewed sense of well-being, deeper voice, self respect, healthier sex drive, better sex with a real woman, and a sense of honor. There are two kinds of men in the world: hunters and protectors. As a man I want to protect the little girls, the teens, and the women in my life. If I saw any female being sexually assaulted, I would stop just short of killing that low life. But my behavior on the internet is that of a hunter not a protector. I can't live a double life. I want to be the protector when I'm walking down the street, and when I'm home alone. Today society tells men that what we consume is what makes us men. I drink beer; therefore, I must be a man. I watch football; therefore, I must be a man. I treat women as sex objects; therefore, I must be a man. That's crap. Beer bellies and men hunched over computer screens drooling over photo-shopped pixels is not manly. Men are men by what they produce. I am a father; therefore, I am a man. I built this; therefore, I am a man. I feel alive and manly when I step up and do something. I don't feel manly when I consume something that leaves me empty. I'm starting this NoFap challenge because I want to be a man. I want to look in the mirror and grin. I want to have nothing to hide from my wife. I want to be a man of honor.
Don't beat up on yourself. You can really only progress by giving your brain a timeout from overstimulation...not by criticizing your failings. You already understand your situation. Have you tried this? http://yourbrainonporn.com/cold-showers Here are tips for when the going gets tough: http://yourbrainonporn.com/uncle-bob-porn-addiction-recovery-tips What are you doing to make sure you don't have your iPad around when your trigger times arrive? Can you leave it in your car? Do you understand that withdrawal is uncomfortable and that you have to power through it? http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like Are you exercising or doing some physical work every day? Here's some inspiration: http://yourbrainonporn.com/guys-who-gave-porn-sex-and-romance Good luck. Don't just wish for miracles or philosophize. Get a plan. Take precautions and act on your plans.
Thanks for the tips and support. You are right. I criticize myself too easily. I'll check out those links.
I feel completely the same. You took the words out of my mouth. I've been hiding this habit for so long. It feels good to finally be open about it, even if anonymously on a forum. Good luck man, I hope it happens for you.
