Book on how to build communication, trust and intimacy for couples

wildwood · Jan 23, 2016

Lots of wacko stuff going on in my relationship, we were both clean. Well I still am, he looked up a p site but didn't watch any videos. He told me which I was glad but still upset. He's going to see a counselor for his depression next week which is an awesome step, I also didn't relapse or try anything because I was upset which was awesome. Anyway, we're looking for a book in building communication, trust, and intimacy. We both want this and we're willing to try different things. A book would be awesome, some kind of structure or plan would be great for the both of us! Thank you very much!!!

bearbones · Jan 23, 2016

Sex Addicts Anonymous (Green Book)
Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
Every Woman's Battle, by Shannon Ethridge
Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge
Freedom Battle Strategies for Conquering Temptation, by Everett Fritz
The Courage to be Chaste, by Benedict J. Groeschel

wildwood · Jan 23, 2016

Thank you for the information but just in general relationship stuff he is a recovering porn addict and me a recovering ex web cam girl, we're looking for just relationship stuff nothing addiction related. More geared towards building a healthier relationship but I will definitely look into your suggestions!!

bearbones · Jan 23, 2016

I say this with some degree of experience and credibility, that until each of you addresses your own disease it will be virtually impossible to establish a healthy connection with another human being. Feel free to check out my journal or send a private message for more info about this stuff...
http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/courage-to-change.55679/

Usually when someone begins the recovery process (recovery from any addiction, whether drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, anything), most people recommend waiting at least a year before getting involved in relationships. Until you know yourself and begin to understand what is wrong with you and begin to address it and treat it, you probably have very little positive qualities to bring into an intimate relationship. Nothing personal, but two dead batteries can't start a car... Two wet towels can't dry anything off... Most people coming into recovery have deeper underlying issues that affect emotional balance and the responsibilities of a committed relationship. Its possible to be in a relationship during the process, but the results are usually toxic and chaotic.

Best of luck, and feel free to keep in touch with any questions or further comments...

bearbones · Jan 23, 2016

In other words, by addressing your addiction problems and working on your own recovery, your life will inevitably lead to better relationships with others.

wildwood · Jan 23, 2016

Actually we've been together for years, seven in fact. We get along well, sex is great but his hiding wasn't a good thing. He had trouble communicating his feelings, which has gotten incredibly better. We took a break in college and my mild depression (due to having to work and go to school and his addiction which we both didn't know about) I made a terrible decision involving web caming. My caming started because I thought being one of those girls would spark his sexual interest, cry for attention I went to a counselor so I could get the help I needed, so actually a recovered web cam girl. I only joined nofap to support him, I added a counter because I was having trouble connecting during with his withdrawal stage. He's over 280 days clean, I just decided to stop masturbation in support, I didn't need it. Over 230 without masturbation, I just think a book would be nice. He was angry at me because he's frustrated at his depression so he's finally getting help, which was honestly amazing. He made the choice. Our relationship has grown significantly stronger, way more bonded but since I'm still having a little bit of trust issue I thought this could fun, making things even better.

bearbones · Jan 23, 2016

Awesome! It sounds like you two have a deep, established connection. And he's a lucky guy to have such a supportive and open-minded girl in his life... The Sex Addicts Anonymous book might be a good route, it doesn't get too preachy about religious stuff but focuses on how to develop healthy sexuality and how to function in relationships (intimate and otherwise). The twelve steps are a great structure to follow and can be helpful for any addiction and most life-issues.

I think your willingness, open-ness, and honesty are going to be powerful tools for you to build a healthy life together. I've been in plenty of relationships but none of them have been successfully sustainable so I don't have much to offer in advice or guidance. I'm just at a point in my life of trying to be a good partner for my future wife, but I don't know if I've met her yet or not.... At any rate, I've got lots of issues and addiction seems to be related to most of them, so I'm trying to heal from some of those problems as best I can. Good luck on your journey, and feel free to tell your dude to get in touch too; we're all in this together!

wildwood · Jan 23, 2016

I really appreciate all the help! He worries and structure is easier for him. Relationships are never easy, I can't compare to what he is feeling so this is going to be a huge help I wish you the absolute best, one day you'll find your special lady who will appreciate you more than you know!

bearbones · Jan 23, 2016

Thank you, that means a lot to me : )

CptCane · Jan 25, 2016

wildwood said: ↑

Lots of wacko stuff going on in my relationship, we were both clean. Well I still am, he looked up a p site but didn't watch any videos. He told me which I was glad but still upset. He's going to see a counselor for his depression next week which is an awesome step, I also didn't relapse or try anything because I was upset which was awesome. Anyway, we're looking for a book in building communication, trust, and intimacy. We both want this and we're willing to try different things. A book would be awesome, some kind of structure or plan would be great for the both of us! Thank you very much!!!
Click to expand...

My short list of books:
Love and Respect
5 Love Languages
Breaking Free - now I know you said more relationship but this one book hits home for anyone struggling with any type of stronghold.

greighem65 · Jan 25, 2016

wildwood said: ↑

Lots of wacko stuff going on in my relationship, we were both clean. Well I still am, he looked up a p site but didn't watch any videos. He told me which I was glad but still upset. He's going to see a counselor for his depression next week which is an awesome step, I also didn't relapse or try anything because I was upset which was awesome. Anyway, we're looking for a book in building communication, trust, and intimacy. We both want this and we're willing to try different things. A book would be awesome, some kind of structure or plan would be great for the both of us! Thank you very much!!!
Click to expand...

Just finishing "Keep your love on" which has some great foundational relationship mojo in it.

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