Broken down and ready for change.

Hi everyone,
I'm a 19 year old female, Christian, dancer, goofball, philosophy and pre-law student, and butterfly enthusiast. I am also a longtime addict to PMO. I was exposed to porn when I was only 11 and it has messed up the way my brain works ever since. I struggle with physical confidence, self-worth, and my identity in relationships. It all stems from my addiction. My addiction has taken over my life and prevented me from pursuing my faith in the way that I'd like to. I feel as though I don't deserve the forgiveness that God has offered me, even though I know it's not true. It's just that when you're this broken down from years and years of self-hatred for my addiction, I don't really think I'm worth anything. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a guy who deserves a wonderful girl, and PMO is getting in the way of that. I am a virgin and do plan on waiting to have sex until marriage. I haven't told him about my addiction because it isn't appropriate in the context of our relationship right now, but someday I will have to tell him. I'd prefer to tell him that it's something of my past, and something I can control. So, for now, I'm seeking support in trying to quit PMO cold turkey for life, not just for 90 days. I think I can do it but I definitely need support. I'm so glad my friend referred me to this subreddit/website! Can't wait to get to know all you fapstronauts and femstronauts.

P.S. If you disagree with my religion, that's cool. We can still coexist peacefully. So please don't badger me with rude, insensitive, or judgmental comments about my faith, and I'll respect your spirituality as well.

 

Thanks for that! Definitely something to look into.