I nearly considered relapsing for a few days , I admit. But didn’t. I simply realised I couldn’t and wouldn’t break my cycle and liked being mentally free more.
It does not matter how u loose your seed. Results are always 100% the same. It was always with woman, it was always devastating. Its a pity one cant talk with nobody here about it, who actually walked the walk. Thank you.
You are damn right... Porn abuse is only the symptoms of a problem... That came up very early when I started to see the therapist... She made me realized I had no addiction to porn, but rather used it as a way to stop instantly my pain and anxiety due to that very tough personal situation since 9 years... Thanks for your very good comment...
I really like your point of view... You are correct, I been through a lot in the last 9 years... Changed jobs at least 6 times, moved to a different place as roommate at least 6 times to save money so I could eventually buy my own place, plus over a hundred dates that turned out to be nothing but a mess... Lies, supposedly serious intentions but clearly were not ready for a serious relationship and the countless times I've been flushed, because most wowen want a guy with an actor head and the charisma of Elvis.... So for the regular guy, your chances of getting a second or third date are quite low... So indeed after years of that treatment, you feel like shit.... Which shouldn't be the case, as dating nowadays is a meat market, but nonetheless it still leaves marks on your self esteem... As you said I try to reach out more to friends, but they are very busy, so getting to see them in person is difficult...
Yes indeed I have a way to get myself in trouble sometimes...Should've listened to my instinct years ago and when I realized I had a porn issue, but now that the mess is done, I try to patch it up as well as I can, but really not easy....
So if I get you right, you didn't have much more success with women than I did? I sense a lot of frustration in what you write, are you trying to find someone but that proved to be very frustrating due to the current trend to be in a meat market?
Its seems like you need a start fresh in life and to forge out a completely new identify for yourself. I notice you mentions "getting back a normal life is out of reach for me" maybe you can start there and defined what normal is to you, and ask yourself if you really want normal, i say that to say that if you really want to break free and conquer this obstacle in front of you then you have to let go of all the things that are holding you back. and that starts with your past, and your old belief systems. sometimes its the things we desire that can take our sense of power and personal authority away. the one who feels lonely is the one that desires companionship just as the one who feels trapped is the one who desires space. its are desires that can determine are behaviours in life, but if thats the case , whos really in control? the point im making is that where there is desire there is no freedom , we all go through different phases in our lives and things , people, place, career, finances fluctuate so its wise to always remain flexible, adaptable, like water. because there is a valid experience and opportunity to learn in every situation if were willing to change our attitude. Maybe have look at the person you have been for 50 years and decide that from this point on to be someone different. consider it a 2nd life, where you have to start again. a rebirth which starts by relinquishing old beliefs, desires, attitudes and ideas. hoped this helped
Thank you for your point of view... It's very helpful to me... Indeed I think you're right...I'm at the crossroads and need to take another route on many beliefs, attitudes, and let go of my past.... Letting go of my past if very very difficult, but I'm slowly getting better at it....
Yeah, I identify with a lot of what you're saying OP. Including living in a cramped space while I detox and turn my life around. I have agoraphobia which contributes greatly to my loneliness. This past year I was able to revive my social life by joining a local club. I also have a daily walking goal and I visit safe spaces like cafes, the movie theatre, bookstores, libraries, and the drugstore to be around people and away from my screens.
I'm happy that you made progress with your agoraphobia... Seeing people, whatever how, and how long is very important for mental health as well as helping quite a bit with not relapsing into that porn shit... I hope you keep making progress with both issues... Hang on!
Thank you! I didn’t go out today at all. I almost went to the corner store to get a soda but I felt too much resistance. Instead, I retreated into a computer game, but that was fairly boring. I’m gonna make a bigger effort to get out tomorrow.
Can totally understand you. Your words hit home, I've had multiple streaks like bw 100-150 days...still a relapse is devastation every single time no matter how it happened. I don't know but some long terms retainers do claim that there does come a point after 1+ year when energy starts flowing upwards and you are beyond lust permanently. I want to get there. Feeling so low having a relapse in 2023 already...but let's make the rest of it the best of it.
I had two 300 days streaks and I always desired a female :/ Also, when I say 300 days streak. It was basically years. I had 200 days, 1 orgasm, 300 days, 1 orgasm, 300 days, 1 orgasm.. stuff like that. Im sure NoFap caused me a POIS. Before, I could orgasm 4x a day and felt ok ish. Now I feel almost suicidal after one orgasm for a week. One time I orgasmed when I was ill, and the consequences were not bad. It reminded me one person here, years ago, who had POIS and found out same thing. If he orgasmed while ill, he felt normal afterwards. I THINK its caused by immune system. When its occupied with illness, orgasm does not trigger it. If the immune system is basically iddle, orgasm somehow triggers it. It seems far fetched, but it isnt. Also some studies found out ppl with POIS have sperm alergy. So that is basically sperm triggering immune system, and that resulting in those bad reactions! I wonder why it happened to me.. I try to make it make sense. On many levels. To understand it from physical/medical POV and also from spiritual POV.
I hope you were able to go in a shop to see people.... Staying home is really not healthy, especially when fighting porn, especially if you have no really interesting hobby... Personnaly I try to be out as much as I can and get energized by people surrounding me. Good luck!
I would like to give you guys an update on my journey on stopping my relapses to porn after several years of trying without success due to my story that I explained in my first message. I would say that the first week ( I was on vacations at home ), went very well, felt hopeful and motivated, I had all the best intentions in the world.... Then 2023 knocked at the door.... And return to work ( teleworking and don't like my job ) So first week of January I had anxiety, I was bored like hell at work and spent Christmas and new year's eve alone, but had a little dinner with my mom on the first, which trigerred anxiety, but that would be long to explain. Therefore last saturday, I started to feel like relapsing, but resisted... Saturday night I thought to myself, let's try to get a date for tomorrow to start thing off in 2023 well... So I contacted this woman I was suppose to meet since about 2 years but we never got to have a date... We booked a date for last sunday for a brunch, we had a messenger video call on saturday night to see if there was a vibe... The conversation was smooth... So Sunday morning I woke up in a good mood, motivated to meet her after years of having dates that I didn't feel like going to, because I knew I had 99% chances of being dumped afterwards... So I said, this time let's be motivated, enjoy the date, whatever the outcome... So we met at the restaurant, had a pleasant date, but I noticed that she was a bit on a hurry to leave... So thought to myself, you're gonna get dumped again that's for sure... Drove to my regular restaurant to get a coffee and talk with the waitress to cheer me up a bit... I sent my date a message to thank her for the date and that if she wanted to make another activity I was interested... The answer was the typical I didn't feel a vibe, but she said it with words that were a bit rough to read when you got dumper countless times before... So from then on, my moral went down, anxiety reappeared, and I felt it was hopeless to meet a good woman... Then the desire to relapse came back... Again I resisted, but when I got home on a grey, lonely sunday afternoon with the blues, although I tried to resist I relapsed... But at the same time those porn movies disgusted me more than ever before.... So the next day I started my streak again... I saw my therapist last night, explained to her what happened... According to her it was again an excess of pain, sorrow, loneliness, feeling like shit, that led to this relapse... So I tried to not put my energy on guilt, and instead focus on putting even more energy than before to quit porn and change my life, and sell my condo which is toxic to me, my dream of buying a condo didn't turn out as I expected, so I want to sell it and buy another one where I could start my life over, and focus on my hobbies like when I had my old life with the girlgfriend of almost 14 years... I know I must turn the page on that life, but I still dream of getting back some part of it, like having a place to live I like, and then go back to my hobbies like in the old days... So this is where I am at now... Wanted to share with you guys... Let's continue 2023 in a much better way in my case, and hoping the phone will ring for another job as well....
