Casual Sex

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by djmotion, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Hey,

    So I have an issue with meeting random women that I don't know well for sex and I've been fantasizing about paying for escorts for a while now. I also find women really distracting like if I see them in the street or even if I'm trying to do uni work at the library I can't help but notice their asses or other features.

    I've just decided to quit porn and my ideal life would be working hard and becoming successful and at some point have a family with a woman that I love and I'd want her to be the only woman I'd think of in that way.

    Anyone got any advice and would you think that I should be aiming to completely forget about women during my reboot and wait until I've overcome all sexual addiction before I begin to date? Also how long does it take for you to stop constantly checking women out? cause the longer I go without masturbation the more I seem to look at them.
     
  2. Start today, quit PORN.

    If your goal is to have a family then start preparing yourself. At first I didn't really take my marriage very seriously though as we get closer to kids I realize it's the biggest responsibility I'll ever have.

    Don't go down the road of escorts or any form of paid sex. There is obvious moral issues associated to this and it's a waste of money. Take the first 30 days and evaluate your life and make some choices that will lead you to where you want to be including no porn and hopefully NoFap. While you're not old by any means you should be mature enough to go start talking to women and putting yourself out there, what's the worst they can say... no, who cares, there's a 100 more chicks behind that one.

    If you find your struggling with no PMO then maybe take a bit of extra time though don't procrastinate to long, most guys find success when they finally decide enough is enough rather than just "giving it a shot".

    Get after it.
     
  3. lucentio

    lucentio Fapstronaut

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    I've been married for over 30 years; the best years of my life. Marriage is so much more than a sexual relationship. A successful marriage is spiritual relationship that transcends the physical. Physical relationships often do not last since people change individually over the years and to expect that any two people will continue to have the same sexual needs and wants as time goes on is unrealistic. IMHO one of the problems with our present society is that people feel that personal physical sexual gratification is THE essential component of personal happiness. The spiritual is what separates human social needs from animal attractions. Not that animal attractions are bad. I have experienced a few mostly physical sexual relationships in the past and have and enjoyed them. But in the long run I have found that true happiness comes from focusing on the other an not on the self and that means going beyond personal physical sexual desires to focus on the emotional needs of the other.

    .... sorry for rambling on. I've been fasting for the past 26 hours. Another 8 to go. I allow myself to drink liquids which includes beer from my Kegerator. :)
     
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  4. lucentio

    lucentio Fapstronaut

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    By the way, I still check women out. My wife will even point out "major babes" to me when we are out to dinner.
     
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  5. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, it's really difficult though because I feel if I quit then it could possibly take me years and years to find someone and that means no sex life at all until then and I feel like if I decide to keep fapping without porn than nofap won't be as effective cause I'll probably be fantasizing plus I would find it really boring fapping without and would be tempted to watch anyway.
     
  6. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Nice to hear that you have a successful marriage. Was a bit off topic though as I'm in a position where I will probably never have that now. I'm 28 and never even been engaged and just seem to jump from woman to woman (all of which aren't even my type) and the only girl I am really into is unavailable. So chances are if I quit porn/fapping/sex with different women then I will either be alone for a very long time or possibly the rest of my life and knowing that is what makes it harder to quit.
     
  7. lucentio

    lucentio Fapstronaut

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    Hang in there. I jumped from girl to girl until I was in my 30's when I met the woman who became my wife.
     
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  8. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, guess I will just have to go through the suffering for the moment. Either it'll pay off or it won't.
     
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  9. I get it but you'll have no motivation to find a girl if you can get the satisfaction you need from a computer and your hand. Getting off porn will open your mind and maybe it'll be weeks or months, not years to find a woman. I would give it an honest 30 days to start, if you have urges then try just mo'ing with no visual stimulants.

    Honestly fapping will be another world when you go just to just touch and your own fantasies. While you should try to abstain from MO, Gary Wilson makes the point on YBOP that fapping itself is not the issue, I think it's just been portrayed that way in almost a "purple telephone" as advice just seems to get more and more strict as time goes on and anything other than celibacy will send you down a spiral of doom. The reason why so many guys avoid MO is because it makes you feel awesome and it helps prevent a chaser effect which will lead you back to porn. Honestly if you can give up porn your MO's will just naturally go down. Just start with giving up porn, including any visual stimulants, go from there and find what works for you.
     

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