So here is an my issue i haven't told anyone ever and I need to get this out so stick with me. I went through a really bad rough patch in high school where I was almost obsessed with a female friend of mine. I was 16 when this started, I turn 23 now in July. Every single thought I had revolved around her. Every single day for 2 years. Making her mine wasn't an option as she was with someone else at the time. Either way, I broke contact with her at age 18 but I still saw her around for a year after that, but I still couldn't stop M:ing thinking about her. After I graduated, I didn't see her at all for a year and I was just starting to get better. Paying attention to other girls while they payed attention to me. I was even starting to see a girl I really liked regularly. was still a virgin at this point. When one day the girl from highschool, texted me asking to see me. Well I saw her, and guess what? She wanted to get it on with me. I was WAY to nervous to get it up. Nothing much happened but that day still haunts me in my dirty fantasies and it's been 3 damn years. I even have a GF now. I need to give up fapping to be able to get rid of that ancient stink in my brain. This is why I struggle. I also have a short attention span. As soon as I take a break from whatever it is I'm doing to fap I never return to it. I used to think I had ADD but now I think it might be this. This is why I struggle
Whatever you fap to wires up as a "cue" for sexual arousal (and you brain processes that as a potential fertilization opportunity). So if you want to weaken a strong pathway like that you absolutely want to stop connecting her, or that event, with your sexual arousal. Watch this and you'll understand better: http://yourbrainonporn.com/adolescent-brain-meets-highspeed-internet-porn Eventually, those memories won't have as much power, and this article gives descriptions from guys who went through similar things with porn fetishes: http://yourbrainonporn.com/why-do-i-find-porn-more-exciting-partner
Hey man! Thanks for sharing about your story. Like Dogwood said, I think it would be best for you to break that connection you have with her and MO'ing. Even though it's not porn, it's a fantasy, not a real person, that you're tying your dopamine release to. If you can't even be sexual without thinking about her, even with other girls, then it might even be best to abstain from sex at least for a little bit. I definitely suggest you writing out what triggers these fantasies for you. Is it being sexual at all? Is it when you go to a certain place? Is it when you see her Facebook, picture, or phone number? When you list out all these triggers, it'll help you to avoid them or cut them out of your life. If you can't think about her without fantasizing, cut her out of your life. It seems harsh, but it'll just cause you to be more likely to relapse. Our brains need re-wiring after everything we've been doing to it, and that usually means tinkering with how you've been living your life so far. So write it out - you don't have to post it here, but at least on your personal computer. Once you know and understand your triggers, you can take the next step in changing how to go about your life.
Great answer Panda, I agree. You need to start writing things down and map out the exact kind of life you want. Writing really does help. It makes things feel more official and it gives you something to follow. It helps. Even go as far as making a journal on here and post it. Let us know your plans and what you intend to do to help you with what you are facing. You need to do it, and go into detail as well. Be intricate. Cut all distractions out of your life and devote yourself to your girlfriend. This is going to be a process. It starts with killing your demons, and obviously one of them is the girl you've been obsessing about. It's very important that you deal with that first, and then secondly tackle the masturbation issue. You have the power in your hands today, to be the man you want to be. It is only ourselves who are the obstacle. You are the captain of your own soul and you are the master of your own fate.
