Codependency: When people put their locust of control outside of their bodies.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Oct 5, 2019.

  1. Just what the title says. People like to blame codependent relationships on the other person, but I've been in one and I know for a fact that both myself and my partner had the opportunity to step out any time. The point is that people in these relationships forget that they have control over how they feel, and the other person can't and will probably fail to have any positive effect on them. Blaming ensues and then they try to control each other. What do you think?
  2. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    lol ... not to nitpick, but it's "locus of control", not "locust of control."

    I think your post brings up a fairly recurring issue in these forums--and that's the measure to which we actually have choice in the midst of addiction. It's a hotly debated issue.

    Imagine an alcoholic saying, "I'm not an alcoholic. I have the opportunity to stop drinking at any time." Now, on one hand, they're correct--there's nothing preventing them from stopping. But when you have an addiction, your brain chemistry has been hijacked to the point where you're now dependent on that substance or behavior. Addicts can't "just say no." They need outside help. If they try to simply "willpower" their way to sobriety, they will inevitably fail every time. They don't have choice at that level--that level being the ability to choose another option. The level of agency and choice that they do have is to choose to tell someone about it and get outside help.

    I imagine codependency must be similar. Being a codependent is a form of addiction, is it not? It's like a form of relationship addiction. So while you may be right to some extent that you were both free to leave the relationship, you might also be exaggerating your strength to choose something other than the one thing you've conditioned yourself to for many years.

    Does that feel like it hits the mark at all?
    justafriend and (deleted member) like this.
  3. Sarutobi

    Sarutobi Fapstronaut

    Codependency is a tricky term for me, I could take it to being dependent only of people or may also include objects that rely on my use to have function.
    Superfan stated a matter of agency; it is a key term for me, if we have got the choice to make a decision whether to stop reaching that specific source of attachment and decide not to, even at a cost that may or not be considerable, then it would be not be outside ourselves as we are choosing to continue that cycle of dependency. Unconsciousness when it comes to reaching that source is then a problem. Are we aware of that dependency or not? Let's say that you wake up everyday and it becomes an automatic process in where no thought is involved that codependency as putting the locus of control outside ourselves is a serious issue.
    There people within my daily life who are almost always there, a constant, but I cannot call myself dependent on people, at least not in the -emotional spectrum- of the topic so I dare not claim an informed enough opinion (There needs to be a discrimination between people just there and those you reach to). To be more clear if you need someone to function "properly" and that need becomes out of your control so that the other side may take advantage of it, then is something to be concerned about. I will frame an scenario: A girlfriend to whom you gift away all of your earnings and she shares it with a lover of her, your "constants" friends and family are aware and warn you, but you do not listen as you cannot picture a life without someone. That is troublesome, but there is agency there as you choose to do it, so the locus of control is still within you in that case. I particularly belief there is no such thing as real codependency when it comes to people (at the macro level), but when objects are involved (Drugs, videogames, etc.) it becomes a different issue and if expanded to the chemical stimuli that -being with people- brings about, then it becomes a huge topic of discussion.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. Lool.

    I am going to have to think these things over. Gimme a few days and I'll get back to you, delayed gratification and such.
  5. Knowing what I know now, it would be a lot easier to deal with a relationship like that if it ever happened again. In the first place, I would choose to not engage with it. And if I chose to engage with it, that's my choice.

    Of course, that's only entry responsibility. I understand that sometimes it's harder to get out of something than never enter into it.

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