Crazy Tranvestite Prostitute: My downward spiral because of fapping

Like most guys with an internet porn addiction, my sexual tastes has escalated to a point that's gone desperate and out of control. Instead of trying to better myself, getting in shape, tending my "garden" to attract a butterfly (or girlfriend), I let porn keep me at home, antisocial, get fatter, and never ask a girl out on a date.

It all started in high school about 13 years ago. It was before my family could afford high speed internet access. I bought several pornographic videotapes from a guy at school. Drugs? Never interested me. Naked humping women doing it for my viewing pleasure? Yes, please. I couldn't get enough of it. Especially as an overweight, pimply-face kid who lacked self confidence. Since then, I moved from VHS, to DVD, to high speed internet. Why try to impress a real girl when with a few clicks I could get any kind of woman I could think of to do things I never could have imagined doing. Sounds great, right? I've taken care of the sex problem.

But I still felt like shit after I PMO. I needed the physical contact and presence of a woman, but porn trained my mind for instant gratification. Forget the "getting to know someone" bullshit, I wanted a girl here and now. No foreplay, no build-up, just straight sex. This leads to the next logical conclusion for a selfish, insecure asshole: prostitutes.

Too scared for street hookers, I tried strip clubs, using code words my unscrupulous friends at the time told me to use. It was great until the end when I wanted to kiss and cuddle, but the strippers kicked me out of the champagne room to make room for their next client. Then it became too expensive. I couldn't afford $300 a pop anymore. So I turned to something so sick, so dangerouse last night that I'm regretting it for the rest of my life.

After dropping off a coworker from work last night at 1:30 am, I ran into a lady of the night. But she wasn't exactly a lady. And I didn't care. I hadn't been with a stripper hooker, or any kind of girl, for about 4 years. I've tried nofap of and on for the last year, but hadn't been able to control my urges. So what did my dumbass do? I let her/him in. He didn't have any manly features at all. Implants, full lips and cheeks.

She insisted on kissing me. I thought it was a quick pop kiss, but she rammed her tongue in my mouth. Yuck. I told her I didn't like that, and she was fine. She took a swig of her bottle of water.

At first, it seemed normal. She offered $50 for this, $100 for that. Ok. I needed to stop at an ATM to take out cash. Fine.

I took out $60, thinking that the extra 10 is a tip (aren't I generous?). But once I told her all I got, all hell broke loose. She said the deal was for $140, and I had her the whole night. I insisted it was for a quick $50 job. She said ok and to pull up in a parking lot. As I exited the bank, I hit a wall curb, scratching my rear bumper. This was already costing me more than 60 bucks.

I park and take out my wallet. As I give her the $60, she sees an extra $20 gas money. She says "Why'd you lie? You have more than $60. Give me that, give me that." She starts pounding on my dashboard, knocking my little Febreeze air freshner, trying to take my keys. Nervous and scared, I just give her the extra $20.

At this point, I was not in the mood, telling her to keep the money and I'll just drop her off. She didn't take this well at all, reaching down my pants, insisting on completing the transaction. I was so scared, I let her. THIS IS WHAT HITTING ROCK BOTTOM FEELS LIKE.

Afterwards, she said to drop her off in a city that's about 50 miles from where we are. IS THIS CHICK CRAZY OR WHAT? I told her I couldn't. She says there's a metro bus that should take her. Is it true? she asks. I just wanted her to get the fuck out of my car, so I said yeah, sure, that bus stop right over there. She says she needs more money for the trip. Christ, I thought. I'm literally broke. She snaps, hitting my poor dashboard again. I said calm down, I'll drop her off at the same place I picked up. She said to drop her off a few miles west of that. Ok, I can do that.

So I leave her. She exits the car, runs away, leaving my door open. Obviously, she's high on something. I had to accelerate to shut my door.

I got home and took the longest shower of my life, scrubbing until my skin turned red. Felt so dirty and ashamed. I think I need to go to sex addicts anonymous. This is the story I'm now picturing in my head to hinder fapping.

 

Thanks for the support, man. Don't rush to a hooker to loose your virginity. I did the same thing, and it totally wasn't worth it. I felt empty afterwards. It's best to gradually get to know a girl, find out what you both like, and move from there.