Creating my own porn

So I'm trying to get some thoughts on this. I apologize in advance if this is the wrong forum to post this in...

My attempts at rebooting have always been more challenging due to the fact that I have a foot fetish. Seeing a pair of beautiful female feet is the equivalent seeing a pair of gorgeous breasts. Over the years my porn collections included pictures of bare feet. After awhile with the invention of smartphones with cameras, I've been able to create my own fodder by taking candid photos and videos of unsuspecting women's feet.

This turned into a very risky habit because literally no one was safe. For example, My sister-in-law became one of my favorite targets and I've literally collected hours of "footage" and thousands of pictures of her during random visits to her house. This became a staple of my porn collection. There was always a risk of her finding out or worse, my wife finding all of the content. Just recently however, I finally found the strength to delete all of my porn and my candid content.

So on to my question...

PMO has been a thing in my life for over 20 years. Usually if I just MO, my thoughts would include real life encounters/sights and not porn. There has never been a case of me reaching O with me thinking of an actual porn scene... That was until I started taking candid photos. One of the things that my wife does for me when actual intercourse isn't possible is give me a handjob (which I like because it feels way better than doing it myself.) and thoughts of the pictures and videos of my sister-in-law and other women that I've previously filmed fill my head while I reach climax.

I read a lot of posts where the common thought was getting a handjob was ok because it is actual physical touch instead of PMO but since I think of the "porn" I've created, isn't that virtually the same as PMO? It definitely feels different, but I'm wondering if it affects my brain in the same way. Is mental porn a thing? I'm only about 5 days into my current reboot and I'm wondering if I'm also going to have to stop getting handjobs after my reboot is done? I'm probably never going to not have a foot fetish and beautiful feet are everywhere. It takes nothing for my brain to download an image of a woman I've seen only to recall when I get into a handjob situation.

Thanks for reading!

 

Sigh... Unfortunately my wife is absolutely repulsed by my foot fetish. She believes it's some sort of perversion and will not provide any sort of relief. She actually purposely keeps her feet looking jacked up just so I won't desire them. Any foot attention I give her makes her uncomfortable. In the past she's caught me ogling her sister's feet which no doubt complicated matters. That's part of the reason why I started taking candid shots... she hasn't been able to detect me doing it, so I'm still "looking" even while I'm not actually looking. I never told her about what I actually think about while she's topping me off and she's never asked either...

 

That's good stuff right there. I read all kinds of stuff about how not actually watching a porn scene while reaching O is better then actually doing full PMO. In the back of my mind I'm feeling like "This has got to be the same thing tho..." Thanks for that.