Dating apps during reboot - is it dangerous?

Kind off in the same boat here. Recently got back on dating apps after seeing a girl for a while which doesn't seem to go anywhere. I go on the apps in search for a partner, but I also catch myself from time to time in those old thought patterns. I don't wanna call it edging, but it still "gets me going" somehow. I don't have the answer, but I guess it's important to decide WHY you go on the app and keep it there. I have a decent tactic for Tinder example. You can't prevent certain almost explicit profiles from appearing, then I quickly swipe left and actively think that thought.

I'm probably going to tone it down a bit on the apps though, I don't wanna risk anything. But still I really long for a relationship. Tough balance there.

 

Yeah this is a frustrating one.

I find that dating sites massively increase my chances of meeting with women in real life. But then on the other hand I do relapse on dating sites.

I believe dating sites are a high novelty platform. So constant searching and finding new profiles and images, constantly messaging new women.

I believe dating sites are very addictive. Constantly going back on the dating site to check to see if you have any messages. When I used to be on a dating site I would wake up in the morning and it was the first thing I did, went on the dating site to see if I had any messages. It's addictive. It's probably designed to be addictive the same way social media sites are designed to be addictive. The platform is high novelty.

Something I asked my self when I used to be on a dating site is how much am I actually using this as a dating site? and how much am I actually using this like a porn site?

What I realised is I was using the dating site far more like a porn site than a dating site. So the dating site had to go.

 

Can relate. I believe I often lie to myself for why I use it. Removed tinder the other day, felt like it was starting to get out of control. Now I’m using more ”dating-oriented” plattforms. Not sure How much better That is, and maybe I could use a detox for a while. It’s also the first thing I do in the morning. I’d rather do something produktive then.

 

Even if someone uses dating sites exactly how they are supposed to be used. So not masturbating to them, and their main focus is trying to meet up with someone in real life. I think even the best case scenario someone who is using a dating site in this way would still be falling in to the trap of the addictive side of the dating site. Constantly going on it to check to see if you have any messages, constantly messaging new women, constantly going on new profiles, constantly flicking about new pictures. More dopamine, more dopamine, more dopamine. Btw this happens to most people to some extent that use dating sites, not just porn addicts. The platform is addictive. It's designed to be addictive. It's high novelty.

But it is just much worse for someone who is trying to recover from porn addiction.

 

You are totally right. If I really want to meet someone for real, I guess my chances are higher if I go somewhere IRL.
But also the landscape has changed in society obviously, which is tough especially for a porn addict.

 

Put it this way. I have a friend, and I reckon if he went on a dating site he would probably be meeting up with a woman on it the first day. If not the first day then I don't think it would be long until he would be meeting up with a woman in real life from the dating site.

That being said this friend of mine would likely only use the dating site to quickly get laid.

But you can see the difference with how my friend would use the dating site compared to me. He wouldn't really be using the dating site like a porn site. His main aim would be meeting up with a woman in real life on the dating site, and he would likely meet up with a woman on it on the first day or within a few days.

Where as I could literally be on it for weeks, months and never meet any women in real life on it.

 

Yeah, then you know yourself well. I have actually met several people through apps like tinder this year. So when I find a good match, I try to make it happen. But still, the time between, browsing through profiles etc gets my mind going in to dangerous places.